It’s been one of those days — work was a nightmare. If something could go wrong, it did – and usually without any obvious cause or solution.
On top of that, I’ve felt like complete shite: full of self-loathing and self-pity. One of those moods when you want to be on your own but then get andry and depressed because it obviously means no one wants to be around you and who can blame them… when you are such a pathetic, horrible, grotesque person.
I think it all started because I had a dream last night that the guy I’ve been kinda seeing was saying all kinds of mean, nasty things to me. To be fair, he would never ever do that in real life, in fact he has never said anything negative or uncomplimentary to me. Still it was a rotten dream. I’ve had the same dream a few times – different people but them abusing me in the same horrible manner as if they loathe me. I have no idea what that means.
After work, I just wanted to come home and hide away in my bed but one of the women at work suggested I shouldn’t skip the gym (and she didn’t even know what a mood I was in), even if I just went for a little while.
I figured doing a killer cardio interval set followed by some boxing would have to help. I punched a hole right through that punching bag… well not quite, then got the bright idea to get a manicure (red with white polka dots!).
That helped for a while but the mood came back like stray cat that’s been fed a few times.
When I feel like this, I take everything personally. I can see myself being unreasonable and stupid but I can’t stop the jibber jabber of voices in my head, blaming myself. Everything – the bus being late, the shop not having what I want… is all due to me not being good enough.
So, what do you do? How do you pull yourself out of a mood like this? Sleep, a good movie, booze?