Too many thoughts for one post today!

Goal:  In Sept 2006, I got to my goal weight of 70 kgs.  That was 3 years ago.  I’ve put on around 20 kgs since then.  Ha, this is more like a weight gaining blog than weight loss. 

Since then, I’ve always held that 70 kg weight as the pinnacle, the shining light of success but lately I remembered something. 

When I looked at photos of myself at that time, I wasn’t happy.  Happy with the body (still thought I could lose more weight though) but NOT happy with my face.  I looked drawn and old.

Last night I found a photo on my phone taken when at the BDO in Jan 08.  I looked good in that photo.  Not thin but okay.  I figured I was around 75 kgs at that time.  Today I checked on Calorie King (how convenient to have all my weigh ins online).  I was 85 kgs! 

That’s the way I’ve been for most of the past year and a half.  During that time, I’ve really, really unhappy with how I feel about my body.

I think it’s easy to get caught up in the whole losing weight for the sake of losing weight thing without stopping to remember why you are doing this in the first place. 

I AM unhappy at my current weight.  I have a spare tyre that would fit a Mac truck!  It makes my clothes look bad and I’m always bashing against it.  

I need to get back to a place where I’m happy not some number that fits within a BMI grid or anywhere else.  And most up, I need to stop feeling miserable.  The weight I am now is still something I couldn’t imagine most of my life.  I’m doing things I never thought I would.  That’s got to count for something.

3 responses to “More…

  1. I understand exactly how you feel – I spent nearly all of last year in a real funk about how I looked and how my body felt. I lost sight of how far I’d come, and started listening to the voices (both my own and other peoples) who told me that what I had achieved was not worth much. It was very hard to feel motivated during that time!

    When January 1st clocked over this year, something in me snapped and I decided I would do whatever it took to get back to that happy place. It’s been eight months of hard work, but I’m getting there! I completely agree, it’s all about getting to a point where you are happy regardless of the number on the scales or the label inside your clothes.

    You’ve achieved so much in the time I’ve known you and done so many cool things! Everything you’ve done and certainly the good points about your current situation count, definitely!

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last year it’s that the only way to get yourself out of a miserable place is to be proactive and CHANGE IT. Guilting yourself about it does not work. Taking action to move onwards and upwards does. Every setback is an opportunity to learn, grow, and improve.

    I think of last year not as a write-off but a time where the Universe was testing me to see if I really had learned those lessons from 2005/2006. Maybe that’s what’s happening for you too. Seize this opportunity! Turn it around and make things the way you want them to be – I know you can do it 🙂

  2. It also shows that weight and doing cool stuff are not related AT ALL. Which is good 🙂

  3. You so often write what I’ve been thinking, which amazes me. I got down to 75 kg a couple of years ago. I hated how my face and neck looked but loved being lighter. Even though I’ve run my half marathon and I’m fitter than I’ve been for years, I’m heavier. I’ve put on 17.5 kg and I’m not fitting into my jeans, so I’ve decided to aim for losing 20 kgs. I’m not going to worry about BMI though, as I’ve have to lose 30 to get even close.
    Thanks for writing the stuff you do Kathryn. It’s good to know other people are thinking, feeling and experiencing the same things.
    I love Alison’s comment too – so true!

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