1. People keep saying that folk are going overboard about the swine flu – wearing face masks and all – when it’s mostly no worse than the real flu. I think the opposite is true. People don’t take precautions enough about the regular flu. Like the bitch sitting opposite me hacking up her lungs on the tram. Sending her nasty germs into the air. Wearing a face mask to stop those air-borne germs won’t kill; me getting sick and having to take unpaid time off work might just mean a hatchet through your head on the other hand.
2. People walking down the street eating. My god people do that a lot. If you don’t have time to sit down, you don’t have time to eat. It looks ugly.
3. Twilight. Where do I start? Okay, I thought this would be an easy, brainless read for the plane. I mean, I can handle bad writing. I don’t like it but I can see the redeeming features of a poor writing with an okay storyline. I read the Da Vinci Code. I read Harry Potter.
But Twilight… it really sucks. Really really. This is the storyline. It’s a spoiler. Read it. Don’t read the book:
Stupid bint with no personality moves to a country town where she is flavour of the month (I’m resisting using the term “fresh blood” or anything like that). Hooks up pale dude cos she thinks that he’s dreamy. Ignores the fact that he’s not only freaky but extremely patronising and annoying (seriously, I’d only date this guy to take him out for a steak dinner… stake, vampire… geddit????). Finds out he is a vampire and sparkles in the sunlight. She makes new friends but dumps them completely when sparkly, annoying vampire gets with her.
Stupid bint frolics with vampires then gets kidnapped by other, less friendly but still patronising and annoying vampire cos she’s too stupid to tell the difference btw her real mother and a recording! She deserves to die, obviously. Instead vampires saves her.
She wants patronising bastard vampire to make her a vampire too – I think so if she’s still going out with him when she’s like 60, she won’t look like a pedo. Instead vampire takes her to the prom.
I want to hunt down the woman who wrote this pile of shit and slowly pull her entrails out through her nasal cavities. Even that would be less painful than actually reading the damn book (I only finished it cos I’d read the Jetstar magazine 4 times and done the sudoku twice).
The writing sucks, the characters are completely unlikeable – I was so hoping they all died horrible deaths even though I know there are like a zillion sequels. And there is no freaken plot. None. Is there a secret law in publishing that you can’t have vampires and plots in the same book or was it just a fashion started by Anne Rice. (I was about to say Stephanie Rice then, lolz, but she’d prolly write an awesome book about swimming, partying vampires).
This book makes Flowers in the Attic look like a work of genius. It makes Valley of the Books look like awesome (which it kinda is). It makes Noddy Goes to Toyland look like a Pulitzer Prize by comparison – a least Noddy had a plot. There is NO book in this world that not better than Twilight even those Mills and Boon doctor and nurse romances.
4. My swipe card for my new job is so tiny, I keep thinking I’ve lost it. It’s insanely small, not even a card.
That’s it for today’s rants.