Yesterday I was sitting in a cafe and the guy behind me was saying that this year was shaping up to be his best year ever.
That really hit me.
Have you heard anyone say that about this year?
It seems almost wrong to think like that – what with the bushfires and all the economy disasters. We aren’t supposed to be cheerful. We aren’t supposed to be optimist. We aren’t supposed to be running toward a glittering future. It’s no longer right.
I think one of the things preying on my mind lately is that I’ve got my holiday to Japan coming up. Of course, I want to go. I want to go more than anything. But the shiny edge has been taken off. My head gets stuffed with the maybes… maybe I should… maybe I shouldn’t. I haven’t even told my mum I’m going overseas because I don’t want the burden of her pessimism adding to my own.
Mostly I feel guilty. I’ve got the savings and I’ve planned a bargain basement holiday (well bargain costs, fabbo hotel). I’m taking anything away from anyone, get still I feel guilty. What if I come back and I’m jobless and homeless and my life becomes a big punishment-for-going-on-holidays disaster?
But, you know what, either I go on hols and the whole economic situation gets worse – in which case it’s a good thing I’m going now – or it gets better. I need to let go of my guilt and my gloom. I mean, I’ve spend the good years saving and scrimping, not splurging on unnecessary items like plasma tvs and a big, fuel-guzzling car. Why shouldn’t I enjoy myself?
I need to affirm my confidence in the future. There are good things in store for me. There are wonderful, magical things. I have faith in this life and when bad things do happen, they don’t last forever.