Seriously, being all cheerful and positive thinky might be all fine and dandy but, on the third day of 40+ degree days, I declare it Grumpy McBitch-a-lot Day!
To make matters worse, we have a bug infestation! Big ugly cockroaches. I couldn’t sleep last night so I was dicking around on the nets and felt something on my leg… oh yeah… I screamed. They say it’s impossible to kill cockroaches but my philosophy is ‘if you bash something with your shoe hard enough and often enough, it’ll die’ – words to live by!
You can be all zen or budhist or whatever about killing things sometimes, but if you’ve watched enough flesh eating bug episodes of the X Files, you know it’s a case of kill or be killed. Although I did stop to ponder how much weight a flesh eating bug could help me lose.
Other things that bug me (ha ha pun fully intended):
- people who call the US president ‘the leader of the free world’… WTF? Since when did the US become boss of the free world? I want to hit anyone who says that over the head with a meat mallet until they pass out (see life rule above). I bet if you asked the rest of the free world who they want as leader, every single person would say “NOT AMERICA”. I’d take even New Zealand over them. At least NZ hasn’t completely screwed up the entire world economy.
- the sun – stop being so hot. Seriously.
- People who won’t give me a job. You don’t have to pay me much, just let me sit in your air conditioning.
- Connex. I can’t even cruise around on air conditioned trains on account of the entire train system in this city not coping with temperatures over 35 degrees. Why does this happen? Why does this happen EVERY summer? Why don’t you learn? BTW Connex are giving free daily tickets to all monthly, weekly or yearly ticket holders as compensation – nice one since all the train services will be cancelled on the day you go to use it. I guess I should be grateful I don’t have a job since it means I don’t have to take public transport to work.
- Vicroads. Did you know you can’t re-register your car now if you have outstanding fines? Does that mean parking fines? Cos that means it will cost me $1,000,000 to register my car this year. Hopefully I’ll be not in this country by then.
- Everyone who drives their big, hot, stinky cars blowing out maximum hot air while I’m trying to cross the road. It’s hot enough without you arsehats!
- Everyone who has contributed to global warming!
- Every single one of my friends who lives in the other hemisphere and says “at least it’s not snowing there… at least you have warm weather..blah blah blah”. I hate you. I especially hate my “friends” Tim and Simon who have moved to England therefore making it impossible for me to visit them and their air conditioning. I sent them a message yesterday telling them exactly what they are – it’s a word I won’t repeat here.
- Being bored out of my skull but too hot to even move a finger.
- Have irritated skin from too many showers/face washer hats!
Just to finish on a happy note, things I love:
- Centrelink. I decided to register for the dole since I hate living in cardboard boxes and eating garbage. They have been efficient beyond any concept founded in reality. Amazing.
- My son and his amazing chocolate ripple cake variations. At the moment he is working on one using nutella and another using home made turkish delight. When it comes to chocolate ripple cake, the boy is a genius.
- Cheap fruit at Preston Market.
- Being able to sit in the cafe at Borders and read manga in the air con. In fact I might go do that now.