5 days to Japan

I feel like I should be overjoyed at the moment, so close to my holiday, but instead I’ve been having a bit of a meltdown.  So many thoughts racings through my head – worries about money and about work once I get home and every other conceivable thing…

I think I have a real issue about going away.  When we were kids, we’d have holidays all sorted and planned and, at the last moment, Mum would have a major stress attack about money and other shit, and would pull the plug on the whole thing.  I’ve got a mind-set now that firstly travel is a waste of money and you have nothing tangible to show for it and secondly that something will happen at the last moment to prevent me going.

On top of that, even though I’ve travelled overseas quite a bit, I’ve always had someone else doing the organising whether it’s travelling with friends or being on a group tour.  Suddenly, I’m the one who’s responsible.  I’m worried about my sister and her lack of health (and lack of finances), I’m worried about a whole heap of stuff and every time the dollar drops, I panic more.

I’d love to be one of those people who just goes with the flow but I’m not.  I feel like I *should* be able to control everything.  Like the financial markets – if I’d tried just a little bit harder, I’d have avoided that.  Even though I know logically that if I could predict these things I’d be earning squillions of dollars as a financial analyst or something.

The stupid thing is that once I’m on the plane, I’ll be fine.  It’s just this long lead up especially not working this week so plenty of time for thinking and worrying and ….

Anyway, I’m off to battle my negative thoughts.  I figure a run should help me cope.

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6 responses to “5 days to Japan

  1. Deep breaths kiddo!

  2. Breath in Breath out breath in breath out

    You deserve a break, you will have memories and experience and adventure, just because you can’t hold them in your hand does not mean they are not valuable.

  3. You can’t take it with you, as the saying goes.

    I completely understand the apprehension, feeling out of control and the worry that you’re just wasting your money – I think everyone embarking on a big trip feels like that at some point!

    Yes, it is a sad fact of life that sometimes travel plans come undone because of something beyond our control. But that can be ok, and part of the adventure. I got on a plane to San Francisco battling tonsilitis and the morbid fear my eardrums would explode. But the minute I got to my hostel and someone put a free vodka in my hand, I forgot all about it 😉

    And at the end of the day, what’s the alternative? Staying put, and hearing everyone else’s travel stories? You know it’s not.

    This trip will open up a whole new world and culture to you. You’re going to have an amazing time. And you’ll come back more resilient, more confident and with so many fun memories. You can’t put a price on that.

    Enjoy the countdown!!!!

  4. 5 days, ZOMG!

    I start to get into a panic as well before going anywhere – especially with regard to travel being a waste of money and not having anything tangible to show for it (but at least on my recent trip I now have fond memories of gogo dancing with a very special chicka :-D)

    You’ll be forced to slow down the moment you step on the plane – so many hours where you’re absolutely powerless to do anything.

    Until then, BREATHE, woman!

  5. Yep. Deep Breaths!!!!!!!! I always end up in a mad panic about my travel documents & especially my passport. I think I check to make sure I still have it 10 times a day & probably 20 times at the airport until I get onto the plane! All will be well! I’m sure you will have an awesome time regardless!!! In case I miss your departure – HAVE A FABULOUS TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. breathe, run, drink a margarita, breath, run, drink a margarita.

    Wish I was coming with you! I’m sending you all my positive vibes, hope they help.

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