I went to the dentist today. I hate, hate, hate the dentist. I’d rather do most things in life before going to the dentist… but I really needed to go. I reckon I have about $500K of dental work to be done and it’s not going to do itself (damn it, how could would that be?)
So I made an appointment based purely on the fact that I liked this dentist’s website. It’s prolly wrong but I judge businesses totally on their website even though it says alot more about their web designer than their business.
I spent the entire afternoon wanting to throw up – that’s how much I hate the dentist. I’ve been traumatised — all through school I had to go to the school dental nurses. They give these girls (they are always female) two years training and they become bitter, sadist bitches.
One time I had to have a floride treatment and they shoved this massive mouthguard type thing in my mouth. I had this gross fluid that tasted like mouldy oranges pooling at the back of my throat making me retch and the bitch nurse yelled at me because I was ‘putting it on’.
I seriously did not realise that the injection was supposed to numb you completely until I went to a real dentist after I left school. They’d jab you with a big-assed needle then start drilling immediately. Then you’d have to go back to class at the needle started to work and you’d be drooling like an idiot.
And they were totally trigger-happy with that drill. Any time you stood still for a minute, they’d be drilling your teeth.
My god, I hate the dentist.
Oh yeah, then when I was a poverty stricken single mother, I had to go to the free dentist. They weren’t so bad although they’d rip your teeth out rather than look at more expensive options.
One time I had to get an extraction and they didn’t realise I had an abyss at the root. They’d try to rip the tooth out and I’d scream like a banchee so they’d stick another needle in. After the 8th injuection, they realised something was wrong but the tooth was half out by then so they had to keep going. Have you ever had a tooth ripped out with anasthetic? I have and I’ve been through childbirth and I know which one I prefer (although I certainly didn’t do drug free childbirth so I guess you can’t compare).
So anyway, I’ve had a very bad history with dentists and now, because I avoid them like the plaquey plague, I have bad teeth. That adds an extra level of hate to the whole experience – the condesending dental lecture. OMG, I think I’d prefer the pain to the lecture. Maybe if dentists weren’t such sanctimonious pricks, people would go more often.
Despite all that, I was a big brave soldier today and fronted up for my appointment… although I had the death march (or maybe the Imperial March… some kind of not fun march anyways).
My dentist is kinda cool. He reminds me of Mel Brooks and there were no lectures. And no pain. Not even financial — he did mention the RC words, those words that strike major hip pocket nerves then decided maybe a filling would do the trick (I broke half my tooth off chewing on a pen at work the other day — nasty, nasty habit).
I have to go back next week to get the filling checked out and get some kind of master plan happening. That’s going to be $$$ but I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up.
Meanwhile between the waiting for x-rays and waiting around at the dentist, I got to read far too many magazines. I can feel a new rant coming on soon – Rebecca Twigley, too dumb to live!