Today, while browsing through a magazine, I read one of those articles about the pro-ana sites that they seem to trot out to stir up public outrage when news is slow. As I read through the article, I realised that a tiny part of me deep in the murky depths of my brain could actually see the attraction of anorexia and that’s a really scary thing.
It’s not about being thin. Who wants to be an ugly skeleton? Recently we went to see Atonement and the sight of Keira Knightly’s emaciated body in skimpy clothes made me feel physically ill. You could see every freaken vertebrae in her back. And a cleavage-revealing dress is kinda pointless when you have NO TITS.
So if it’s not about being thin, what’s the appeal? What the little voice said was that I’d be in control. I’d win! Win what? I have no idea but there’s that seed somewhere in my head.
It’s scary. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but my Nan and her sister were very competitive with each other regarding weight loss. When my great aunty died, she’d been living for years and years on mostly black coffee and cigarettes. That’s definitely not a healthy or happy way to live.
Of course, I love food far too much to ever be able to do anything like that.
I had a great day in the city today. After my interview, I headed to Borders for a coffee and browsed through some mags (including that article above). Then I wandered into Myer and booked in for a complimentary facial. With an hour to kill, I went down to the Arts Centre to check out the Nick Cave exhibition. Interesting stuff, esp the little notebooks he made with found pictures.
Before the facial, they tested my skin. I have 99% elasticity, which is apparently outstanding for my age. I wanted to ask them about the skin on my body but didn’t really want to flop my belly out in the middle of Myers. I got all facialled up then walked home.
I start the new job tomorrow so figure I should make the most of my last day of freedom tomorrow. Hopefully I can get in for a massage.