Today I went over to my storage space. I’d planned to run over and take some of my books from around the house and swap them for other ones (kinda like a library but with my own books). I nixed that plan because 1. it was raining and 2. books are heavy, so ended up driving.
I’ve not been to my storage space in close to a year and it was a weird experience. Instead of just grabbing some books, I started going through boxes. I’ve mentioned this before but to recap: I put most of my stuff in storage a couple of years ago when I got evicted from my house. That whole period of my life just reeked of upheaval – getting tossed out onto the street, having to store most of my possessions (the rest I just left behind for the evil landlords to deal with), having Andrew move into his own place, no job, no money, nothing.
Around that time, I’d made the decision to lose weight and refused to let a few personal problems get in the way. I lived an incredibly spartan life for the 12 months or so after that, trying to get back on my feet and lost 40 kgs.
Going through those boxes today was like entering a world I’d left behind. So much crap. So many things I want to get rid of but feel like I can’t – because they cost too much money or they were gifts. It made me realise how much of my life I’ve spent shopping. I’ve got some beautiful things, but they really mean nothing to me.
I did find one thing I wanted. Years ago, when I was about 18, my nanna gave me a marquasite necklace that belonged to her grandmother. It’s a very gorgeous and very delicate. I tried to wear it a few times but something so tiny and intricate just highlighted how big and lumpy I was. It never felt right. When I lost weight, I decided to get it out of storage but I couldn’t find it. I’d had a day to pack and had just thrown random items into which ever box they’d fit. That necklace could have been anywhere in any box. I looked a few times after that but figured it’d turn up one day.
Today I opened a box and saw a (very ugly) crystal jewellry holder thingie. I checked inside and found the necklace. I put it on, finally being able to wear it and feel right.
That was the only treasure amongst the growing pile of junk – manuals for things I don’t own any more, obsolete computer cables, clothes I’ll never wear again, books I didn’t enjoy the first time. In mid-sort, with a thousand boxes blocking my way out of the space, the office guy came around to tell me that they were closing in 5 minutes. I’d not even thought about the time. I shoved most of the stuff back in, willy-nilly and unsorted, leaving only with a couple of boxes of rubbish and one to take home- mostly Christmas decorations.
Since I got home, I’ve had an unsettled feeling that I can’t quite name. It’s like I’ve walked back into the remains of a life I left behind. Or been sorting through a dead person’s things. Those possessions are mine and yet they aren’t any more. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with them – probably leave them in storage for another year without going back.