I don’t know if it’s been noticeable over the past few months, but I feel like I’ve had this big, huge boulder blocking my path.  A gi-normous thing that is stopping me doing the things I want to do in life – writing, losing weight, being happy… all the important stuff.  I’ve brushed it off as being different things – overtired, work, winter…

It’s like it’s so big, I can’t see the edges and can’t work out what it is just that’s it’s blocking my path.  And, like any huge blockage, I have the feeling that there is a whole load of shit banked up behind it waiting to flood me with a tsunami of sewerage if I ever pry it lose.  It’s much easier to sit here and twiddle my thumbs and think I’m perfectly happy just here on my own and I didn’t even want to go any further anyway.

While I’ve been losing weight, I’ve dealt with so many issues as they arise but the first step in dealing with things is to identify them and give them names.  This one has no shape, no edges – I have no idea what it is or where it came from.  I don’t know how to fight the nameless, faceless problem.  I don’t even know where to start – should I try therapy or meditating or going out and buying new shoes?

10 responses to “Boulder

  1. New shoes of course!

    Actually, I think meditation might help. We do these great visualizations in yoga, such as putting ourselves inside a sphere of blue light to protect us. The instructor told us the blue light vibrated differently to concrete and so was able to surround us. Maybe you could dissolve the boulder.

    I relate to what you’re saying about dealing with issues. I’ve found lately that I’ve been trying to deal with too many issues at once, so I’ve eased up on myself a little. It doesn’t diminish my accomplishments so far. Maybe you could chip away at the edges instead of moving the whole boulder at once.

  2. No advice although I had been feeling the same – I have now said SCREW this to being so hard on myself. That said…do you have an invite to my password blog? Email me at and I’ll set it up for you if you want…

    Hang in there chick!

  3. I prefer booze as my fix all.
    No idea really but it must be worth investing some time and energy to shifting that boulder.

  4. Shoes. Definitely shoes.
    Seriously, HUGS. Hard times. Anything we can do, just mention it.

  5. I know exactly what you are talking about, I’m dealing with it to, and have in fact, decided to try therapy, this arvo. Will be blogging about how it goes. Good luck

  6. Well no surprises that I would say go with the shoe therapy, it always works for me.

  7. You describe that feeling so well. I have been feeling like that for the last few months and you have managed to capture it all in a few sentences.

    I would suggest shoes first, and go and talk to someone second. I wish I had. I think I would have got past this a lot quicker.

    Now I am moving forward chipping away at the boulder and only letting a little bit of the shit go past me at a time so I don’t drown in it..

    You are a very strong, resourceful woman and you will get past this. Just keep talking about it and slowly moving forward. *hugs*

  8. OMG as MM says above, you do such a good job of describing that feeling. I’m sure we all feel like that at times, I know I have been feeling like it. I’ve likened it to a tunnel with no light at the end, but I like your description better. My only advice is to stay strong, keep up the exercise and sensible eating. You know how well you have done so far … keep it up and you will acheive your goals (and beat sis!).

  9. I have been feeling the same lately too, I think the yoga will help you and I might even try yoga myself. I hope you find something to shift this boulder. I have decided to see a counsellor to help deal with what i am feeling but it was a very hard decision to make.
    Hope you have a good weekend.

  10. Hon, I think we all go through this and for me, I reckon it’s self-doubt which stops me from just doing stuff I dream about doing. Do you think that might be it for you? Self doubt, not believing enough in yourself? That thing that stops us all from living our dreams and making them a reality?

    Definitely buy new shoes and see how you go with this new yoga course. That is bound to bring a lot of stuff out onto the mat for you to work through.


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