I’ve been meaning to write a post about how I’ve been feeling lately but it’s been hard to describe. Most of the time I’m okay, just a bit sad and listless, but I’ve been getting these waves of total despair that wash over me. They don’t last long but it seems like for those moments all the happiness and joy in living has gone from my life.
Anyway, yesterday I read somewhere on the net (totally can’t remember where now), a quote that said exhaustion is often mistaken for despair. That really hit me and made me realise what’s going on – why I’ve been so lacking in energy, why I’ve been eating far too much sugar, why I’ve had to drag myself out of bed and struggle through the days. I’m exhausted. It’s been going on for a while, since I can’t remember when.
I think it’s a combination of things – driving to work definitely takes it out of me. I know I’ve been whinging about it more than once, but some mornings I wake up and the thought of spending an hour in traffic just defeats me. It’s not even the driving so much as the dealing with other drivers (there are some dickheads on the road) and also having to concentrate for long periods. I get home and make dinner and watch tv and suddenly it’s late, later than I intended to go to bed, so I get less sleep than I planned…
Other things have been weighing on me too – worries that sit like a heavy rock I have to heave around. Just things that aren’t huge in themselves but all the little irks that combine to make a big, irksome soup. I guess these things spiral – you get tired so little problems seem so much bigger then that stops you sleeping which leads to bad eating that causes more worries and so on. This week has been hard too with my leg injured. I don’t even have exercise as an outlet.
So, it’s all well and good to identify problems but that’s pointless without some action. My action plan is to have a very restful weekend. I went to the market tonight so I’m going to cook up some healthy meals for the week. Other than that, I plan to get some cleaning and organising done and lots of veging.
As far as the injury goes, I have to rest for 2 days then I can start walking for exercise then, if that’s okay, a gentle jog then running. I’m back at the myotherapist on Tuesday and she reckons that should be enough. Simon rang me today to say he was doing a 20 km run. I think he wanted a pep talk to get him going – and he got it along with my whinging about not being able to join him. He rang later to say he’d done 16 km and that was enough, so I told him to get his arse out of the car and do another lap of the Tan! He did the whole 20 kms after that.
On a happier change of topic, I went shopping after the market tonight. I really needed some new jeans. My old pair (which were my sister’s until 2 years ago) are looking crap and have some stains on the leg I can’t get off. I went into Jeans West – I love that store. I love how they have their permanent range of basic jeans in the full range of sizes and styles. I love how the girls really know what style is best for your body type. And I really love how they suggest you try a size smaller. We ended up with a pair of jeans each – it’s only $100 if you buy two pairs – plus a dress each which come with a free pair of leggings. Then I grabbed a pair of sunnies and some pj pants and knickers! I think they charged me wrong though cos all up it came to $180.