Fat or thin, out or in, I’ve always loved hosiery (nb. what is hosiery – an item of clothing or an accessory?) Being a typical apple shape – fat gutted with ‘shapely’ limbs, it makes sense to accentuate the good bits, no point buying fancy belts.

But even before I had any concept of how I looked, I had a concept of hosiery. Does anyone remember slinkies – not the metal toys but those thick ribbed tights you wore as kids? I don’t even know if anyone else called them that. Little preschool me would get dressed up in the slinkies with shiny black shoes and one of those plaid ‘skirts’ with the white cotton tops attached. Just to totally digress, even though I was too young to have any sense of snobbery or style, I knew there was something not quite right about anyone who wore those skirt-dresses with the top bit showing.

At high school, instead of the standard beige or black tights, I’d wear bright green or red. Beige, blah!

It doesn’t matter what size or shape you are, you can get funky legware. My favourite ever hosiery item were my lucky stockings. Fishnet stay ups with a thick band of lace at the top. Oh boy, were they ever lucky. I wore them for a long time, even with safety pins holding the tops together.
I was over 100 kgs when I wore them but I had damn hot legs 🙂 Another pair of stockings that always get attention are thick black with ‘slut’ written in white lettering. Have to be careful about where I wear them.

My tip for practical hosiery is Target. They have the most awesome thick cotton and wool tights – perfect for winter wearing. I’ve been buying them for years. I’m also in love with the cheapo footless leggings from Big W’s sports section. I can wear them with a skirt to work then swap the skirt for a pair of shorts and wear them for a run or gym workout.

So, just to help you out, here are my tips to wearing hosiery:

  • if you have big calves, don’t wear 3/4 length leggings. Seriously, you’d think people wouldn’t need to be told this but you see it all the time.
  • Fishnets at work, bad idea. I mean where do you go from there? You’ve raised the bar too early. You leave work at the end of the day and want to get all sexily dressed for a night out but you are wearing your work fishnets… that’s not cool.
  • Stay ups don’t. If you can’t be arsed pulling them up constantly, don’t wear them. Also if you have one teensy cm of fat on your tights, it will bulge over the top.
  • Fishnets mean you don’t have to shave your legs. So do opaques.
  • Thick tights mean you can wear a shorter skirt. Some people don’t agree with me on this, but they are skirts, not belts!
  • Don’t ever wear patterned or lace hosiery if it makes you look like you have varicose veins. Another thing you’d think would be obvious but apparently not. Also anything that makes you look bruised or clotted should be chucked out immediately.
  • Fishnets (again) – never get the big net ones. If you don’t know why, go to the supermarket and check out the oranges in the net bags – do you want your legs to look like that?

My current goal is to find a pair of seam stockings with cuban heels. Cuban heels are hella sexy. I also downloaded a vintage pattern from the olden days for knitting a pair of lacy stockings. I think this is going to be a life long obsession.


6 responses to “Legs

  1. Do you have any idea how many people have told me how *hot* your legs are!! I love the cuban-heeled stockings. They make me weak at the knees 😉

  2. Love the new digs.

    I don’t mind fishnets at work, but I wear those flesh coloured ones, sounds kinda gross but they look good.

    I remember the slinkies (but I didn’t call them that), for me that were ultra think Red Robin brand blue ones, a necessity to keep the pins warm when going to primary school in the Dandenongs.

    My fave nostalgic pair were opaques with spider webs on them from my goth days.

    Totally agree about the pattern ones, makes your legs look diseased, ughhhh.

    My faves now are Umbria ones that hook onto a special pair of hipster knickers. Hipster stockings are the best thing since sliced bread 🙂

  3. Are you allowed to wear fishnets to work if you are employed at a *ahem* gentlemens club?
    Love the new digs!

  4. I’m with you Kathryn – I love showing off my legs. I used to really dig ballet tights .. dancers always had the bright sparkly leggings and the cool colours.

  5. Jadey pointed me to your page because I love stockings too. It’s good to read that someone else shares my feelings! Nothing quite like stockings to boost your confidence (and warmth) and instantly enhance (or hide) your lovely legs!
    Another tip I’d add to your list would be DO take the time to arrange your fishnets perfectly evenly, otherwise you’ll look like you’ve got weirdly lumpy legs.
    I am guilty of wearing fishnets to work though. Entirely inappropriate but too hard to resist!

  6. LMAO! I love it. I have humungeous man calves and I thought the 3/4 pants i was wearing were flattering

    me thinks I need to revamp my running wardrobe

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