Our fish was fantastic except for one little problem – it had bones in it. They lied to us through fish sign!
The whole reason we don’t like fish, I’m pretty sure, is because when we were kids Mum would give us fish and tell us it had no bones in it then we’d start choking on a bone and she’d be like – shut up, there’s no bones in this fish – and we’d be writhing around the ground, blue in the face and she’d tell us we were putting it on so we’d cough up a bone and show it her and she’d be like – oh maybe I missed one.
That is not a background conducive to enjoying fish.
So we’ll try again next week but this time we’ll get something that is safe like flake.
The bad, bad thing is that apart from the fish, my eating has been terrible. Binge City is where I’m living. I don’t know why I’m doing this. You’d think I had all the head stuff figured out by now but that’s not the case.
One thing I know is that lately if I start eating sugar, I find it hard to stop. It’s not so much emotional eating as the sugar hitting me like crack cocaine. Once I get some in my veins, I’m jonesing for my next hit.
The other issue is that rather than eating to fill emotional needs, as I once did, I’m now eating to fill physical needs other than hunger. Mostly this need is tiredness. Once upon a time, I binged for many reasons but tiredness was never amongst them. If I felt tired, I’d have a nap. The Queen of Napping they called me. Now I feel guilty about napping – I should be at the gym or running or doing something, not goofing off. So I get tired then I deny my tiredness so I eat.
The third factor in this problem is that I had to skip breakfast to have my blood tests. You know all that stuff they say about not skipping meals because you binge later – it’s all true. I’ve never been a meal skipper. I’ve never even been a snack skipper. The closest I ever came to a starvation diet was reading about them in Cleo. So missing a meal has put me out of sync and I’m overcompensating. And yes, it was only 2 hours without food and surely I could survive that but wah!
My motto for the rest of the week is to only eat when I’m hungry. No more random snacking. No more going to the shop for mint slice cornettos (man, those things are heaven – why did I never know about them before).
The thing is after my gain last week, I haven’t got back down to my goal weight. And that sucks. The other thing is that when I got to goal, I hit it exactly – 70.0 kgs. I want to see a number starting with 6! And not 600 either.
My new goal is 65 kgs but I want to do it slowly. I want to tone and add muscle at the same time so it’s got to be a slow process. I don’t care if it takes until the end of the year, but I do want to get there.