Superstar tagged me for this last week and I’ve finally gotten my head together to post it. Just five things? That’s only scratching the surface of my weirdness.
- This one’s kind of heavy but it’s something that I’ve been thinking about a bit lately. When I was pregnant with Andrew, I intended giving him up for adoption. I, obviously, didn’t go through with that decision. The other day I read a blog where the writer talked about meeting the (now adult) child she’d given up for adoption for the first time. It was like an emotional punch in the guts – that could have been me. I could be meeting Andrew for the first time in 19 years.
Initially, my thought were about how it would have affected his life – what sort of person would he be now having been raised in a different family? Would he have been better off? That’s a question noone can ever answer but I did realise something important. I don’t think Andrew would ever have coped in a rigid, disciplinary environment. I talked about this with my sister and she agreed, he’d have gone right off the rails. You tackle Andrew head-on and you meet the strongest wall of resistance you’ll ever find. On the other hand, if he gets too indulged, he gets soft and lazy (trust me, I’ve seen this every time he’s been around my mum).
I didn’t know much about raising kids when Andrew was young, but I tended to give him a lot of space to do his own thing within the limitations I imposed. I let him work things out for himself. For example, if he wanted to sit up all night playing a game or watching TV, I never demanded he be in bed by a certain time, that would have lead to a painful amount of arguments, but I did insist he be at school on time. If he spent the day tired and crabby, he realised that he needed to get to bed earlier.
I’m not saying that’s the right or proper way to bring up kids, just that it worked with Drew.
I’ve also been thinking about whether I did the right thing for me. Without a child to raise on my own, I could have travelled, I definitely would have been better off financially. Who knows what my life could have been?
I’ll be honest, there have been times when I’ve thought I’d have been better off if he had been adopted. I think any mother has those moments. After a day of unreasonable bosses and bitchy workmates, late trains, a zillion demands, you get home to a house like a bomb site and demands for dinner – motherhood doesn’t look so hot.
But, beneath it all, I think Andrew has been my rock of sanity. At times when the whole world felt like it was crumbling around me, he’d say a few words and we’d both collapse with laughter.
It hit me this morning, more than any sense of parental responsiblity, more than any of the rights and wrongs, more than anything else, I’d have missed him if he hadn’t been around. I like hanging out with him. He’s a cool guy – funny and wacky and caring in his own weird way. I just can’t imagine me without him.
- I can’t walk down stairs without holding onto a handrail on my left side. It freaks me out and I get all unbalanced. That was a bit lighter, wasn’t it.
- One of the things I’d have done differently with my weight loss, now I think about it, is taken a more balanced approach to exercise. It’s easy to focus on cardio since that’s what gives the instantly measurable results – you see the effects on the scales every week – but weights/toning and flexibility/yoga type exercise is so important.
A lot of the aches and niggly pains I’ve been getting lately, I swear, are caused because some of my muscles have developed out of balance with others – my legs are all muscley but I don’t have the strength in my glute muscles or the core strength to go with it. And my flexibility is abysmal.
- I have had a crush on John Jarrad ever since he was on Better Homes and Gardens (should have put him on my list below). I don’t think this is weird, but other people do especially when I say he was hot in Wolf Creek.
- My sister and I have talked about moving to Brisbane for almost 10 years now but we’ve never even been there for a holiday. I think if we moved there now, it would never live up to our expectations – in our heads, it’s become this mythical place of sunshine and cheap rent and happiness.
I think everyone has already been tagged for this one so no tagging by me.
Btw, big happy sunshine smiles to Briony for searching the paper for my results. You rock!