Happy New Year

My 2009 didn’t start that well.  I woke up about 4 am after having a nightmare.  It wasn’t even scary – I’m not going into all the details – more like a stupid dream, but when I woke up, I was so very shaken.  I wanted to turn on all the lights in the house and every noise made me jump.  It’s weird how dreams can do that sometimes.

I had a very quiet NYE.  Today I think I’ll go out and look for a fun cafe where I can sit and write and eat and enjoy. 

My resolution for 2009 is to think positive.  Yah!  Life Rules!  See I’m starting already. 

I found out just before I left work yesterday that my contract might be finishing up soon than I thought (I was told end of Jan but it will prolly be mid-Jan).  This sent me into a whole panic about money and where I’m going to live (as in which city) and all that kind of thing.  I started thinking maybe none of my plans for the year will work out.  Worry, worry, worry… disaster lurks around the corner.

But, you know what, there is NO point in that kind of thinking.  Rather than preparing for disaster, dwelling on the bad things that might happen is just making me feel glum NOW.

Maybe things will be dire this year, maybe they won’t.  I’ve got to learn to deal with that when it happens, rather than get all caught up in what might be.  So many things up in the air, so much uncertainty - but that’s exciting, right! 

So 2009 is going to be a smashingly fantastic year of fun and excitement.  In 2009, I will shine!

Back in Canberra

Got back to Canberra this morning and straight to work.  Arrgghhh… thinking of the money, thinking of the money…

I’ve decided I’m allergic to nuts or something.  I’ve had a funny belly (ha ha) all over Christmas, then it started getting better but today I had some nuts at work and it’s back.  I never normally eat nuts or, if I do, I eat small quantities so I’ve never had these kind of problems before.

Christmas damage = weight up to 87 kgs.  I was over 89 kgs but I magically lost 2 kgs by taking off my shoes and going to the toilet etc.  I think part of the weight gain is due to not drinking much (any?) water over the holidays.  Another big part is due to pavola – oh how I love thee, evil dessert!

My goal is to get under 80 kgs.  I will do this with hard work and discipline.  Tomorrow I’m joining the gym and my first mini goal is no superfulous food.  Good, yummy food that I want is a-okay but it’s all those snacks and things that I don’t really want but have anyway that cause the problem.  The second mini-goal is to drink water. 

My exercise goal atm is to get ready for the Run for the Kids.  I thought I might miss out this year, with the Japan thing and all but, since I’m not going for ages, R4tK is totally doable.  Yah!

Notice I posted my goals today.  That totally means they are NOT New Year’s Resolutions. 

Speaking of, I have NOTHING planned for NYE.  Not that I ever do much but it’s a whole different ball of cheese wax when you are doing nothing by choice!  If anyone knows of anything fun to do in Canberra alone on NYE, let me know.

Blah

I’m sick of packing.  I’ve got a zillion things on my bed and realised that I can’t actually pack them until tomorrow morning because I need to pack my doona and I can’t do that until after I sleep and I have no idea how much space I’ll have in my bag until I put that in.

I’m coming back to Melbourne in two weeks so I really don’t need to pack EVERYTHING!

I do have a heap of skincare stuff to pack.  I left my Shisheido moisturiser in Japan and got one at Myer yesterday — plus a powder compact — plus a free gift with purchase.  Then the girl gave me the moisturiser gift pack with extras for the same price as the moisturiser on it’s own.  Now I have like 3 cleaners and 3 toners etc but the free gift with purchase ones are the perfect size for the gym bag.

Ok, before anyone notices what I just said: YES, I bought Shisheido in Melbs, took it to Japan, lost it and bought more in Melbs again.  YES I know that’s a bit arse about … but I only realised I’d lost it just before we left the country and I only had time to go to the Shiseido chain store not the upmarket Shiseido counter 9and not the discount Shiseido at the convience store) so I got the mid-range moisturiser as a stop gap. 

Arrggh enough of the gratiutious product placement (although I can’t recommend the lifting serum and massage mask highly enough).  Must pack.  Packing is insanely boring.  I’ve thrown out about 10 pairs of shoes and that is good.

Oh yeah and I’ve put on 4 kgs.  I nearly fell over.  That is not good.  But I can lose it.  I am in control.

No Place Like Home

I’m home for the moment – going back to Canberra on Tuesday.  I am so looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.  Oh bed, how I love you.

Christmas – what a bingefest.  I broke through the pain barrier of eating and every time I stopped my mum would guilt trip me because she’d bought so much food.  Arrrgghhh!

Tomorrow I’m going into the city to shop and stock up on stuff you can’t get in Canberra.  Monday I’m going to sort through stuff and chuck stuff out.  ‘That’s the plan – and to fit in some running/gym because I’ve been so lazy lately.

Random:

• Still in Canberra, go to Tassie on Wednesday then back to Melbs on Saturday and then Canberra on Tuesday.  I thought I had to work Monday but apparently it’s a public service public holiday.  Who knew?  You think they’d tell you that before you booked your flights.
• I wasn’t sure until Friday if I had to work between Christmas and New Year – again, you think they’d tell you so you could book flights or rearrange things!
• Joined a gym this week.  Well when I say joined I mean I got a week’s trial membership.  Been going a long and checking it all out.  I think I’ll join for a month after Christmas.
• Have got a share place to move into – again after Christmas.  It should be good.
• Met with Kathy for drinks and eats on Friday and we are supposed to be going for a run this morning.  My motivation is LOW.
• I am currently watching Briony cook a squillion Christmas treats – good that some are motivated with this stuff. 
• Got confirmation/offer about working in Japan.  Because they are overstaffed – damn global financial crisis – it won’t be until after July… damn it!  Still gives me time to save (and loss weight… and learn more Japanese talking).

Dreams

You know, when I made my life changing decision (see below), I had all kinds of doubts and fears but now I’m not worried at all.  My friend Simon asked me last night if I was going to accept the job and I was amazed that he’d even ask. 

I have a theory about dreams and the like.  My main problem has never been having the courage to follow them, my problem has been trying to figure out which dream to follow.  You know how it is – you want to do A but then you also want to do B but if you do B, you certanly can’t afford to do A as well and then C looks really good… so you end up in a pile of inertia.

Recently a waitress at a cafe I go to decided to her job and move to Brisbane, then she got all panicked thinking she might be doing the wrong thing.  What is the wrong thing though?  It’s not like it can be reversed or fixed or changed.  It’s not a life long commitment.  It’s an adventure – and adventures don’t come with “satisfaction guaranteed” stamped on them.

Really it’s not about finding the “perfect” dream.  How many decisions in life end up being devastatingly wrong?  Well okay, a few.  But they happen, regardless of how much agonising you do to start with.  Doing nothing can can be devastating too - especially to your body! 

What I’m trying to say is that following your dream is about the process, not the end result.  So what if you find out halfway that you took a wrong turn.  Go back and make the right one or keep going and find a new path.  Or sit down and cry, but only for a moment.  So few things in life are as scary as our brains tell us. 

I think we have a “following our dream” muscle somewhere in our bodies and, like all muscles, it atrophies if we don’t use it.  And, like working any muscle, start small but work it frequently until it builds into something fearsome!

Big News

I mentioned a while back that I was in the midst of a Life Changing Decision and no, it wasn’t moving to Canberra.  Yesterday I had an interview for a position teaching English in Japan.  Today I got told that I was successful.  I’m not yet sure when or where I’m going.

I should be excited and really I am.  My heart is filled with joy, it’s just that all the bodily parts around the heart are filled with extreme sleep deprivation.  I’m about to get on a bus for a 3.5 hr trip from Sydney to Canberra.  Hopefully I can nap for most of it.

Still in Canberra

I’m airfare booking girl atm.  First I had to book a flight to Sydney for the weekend – was going to take the bus but that was kinda impossible, then I booked a flight to Tassie.  OMG it cost more for a return flight from Melbs to Tas than it cost to fly to Japan!!!!  Mostly because my mum lives in the middle of nowhere and won’t drive to Launceston so I can get a cheap flight (oh yeah and there were no cheap flights to Lonnie anyway at the right time).  It doesn’t help that I have zero time off work, not that I can afford to loll around over Xmas, so have to fly late Xmas Eve.

I told Mum she’d better cook the best Xmas lunch ever.

I found out today with have showers at work so am planning a pre-work run if I ever get to bed.  Am also having coffee with the lovely Amanda after work so will get to explore another part of the city. 

My workmates are so friendly and so wanting me to move to Canberra permanently – one of them is a real mother hen and been telling me all the places to go.  Did you know there are baby tigers at the Canberra and you can pat them!!!!  OMG I’m so onto that.  She even copied a story out of the paper on the best coffees in Canberra.  People here think if you are from Melbs you must be obsessed with coffee.  I’d like to counteract that myth but I just can’t!

Anyway, Briony says I haven’t driven her mad yet so I must try harder

Canberra!

Canberra – it’s quiet!  And like country or something - there are paddocks of sheep in the middle of the city (well I think it’s the middle of the city because the middle doesn’t look any different to the rest.  I’ve gotten lost a zillion times already.

Work is good, very public servicey.  I don’t have internet access yet but they can’t deny me.  I need it for research for my job and stuff like that.  Oh yeah.

I drove up yesterday on the Hume Highway.  It’s not really a highway after you get out of Victoria though is it.  You can’t call a one lane road a highway.  I stopped at Wangaratta cos I thought they’d have signs up like “proposed site of the Nick Cave statue” and stuff like that but found nothing.  I couldn’t even find a sandwich shop that was open, only some fish n’ chips that looked like they’d been sitting in a bain marie for weeks.

I stopped at some other place too.  It had a submarine.  The cafe said they had the best coffee on the Hume.  The other places must be freaken shithouse then.

Anyway I’m staying with Briony (and prolly driving her mad).  Going to Sydney on the weekend and then back here until Xmas when I go to Tassie… if I can get a flight under $1,000,000.

Just went for a “run” … I’m so unfit!

Moving on up…

…to Canberra.  Yah!  Fireworks and porn and Briony   I’m still not 100% sure about this job – they seem as flaky as hell (hope they aren’t like that when I start work – maybe it’s just a HR thing) but work is work and at least I don’t have to apply for the dole.  Yah… Preston Centrelink is a scary, scary place.

I am so sore from the workout yesterday.  I don’t think it was the boxing that killed me so much as the pushups and crunches and squats – oh yeah and the star jumps!  Freaken star jumps.

Anyway, I’ve got a zillion things to go before I leave, like finding my degree in my storage space (I’ve been procrastinating on that).