ps

I did end up going for a run today.  The knee felt better the more I moved around so I figured I’d test it out.  I don’t think the run did it any harm so all’s good.

I think I need to start getting organised.  My downfall this past week was that I’ve been doing stuff every night after work.  If I leave the house around 6.00-6.30, it’s too early for dinner for me but I get starving before I get home so end up buying something in the city.  This week I want to have a bigger lunch so if I’m doing stuff at night, I can just take something with me.

Good news – my sister starts work tomorrow.  I don’t think I mentioned this before but she had a really tough time.  She had a job in a call centre but it involved over an hour travel each way, plus they said it was part time then pushed everyone to do full time hours.  It really was too much for her as she’s getting over Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  So anyway she applied for other jobs and got one doing data entry – as in they rang her on the Friday morning saying she’d got the job and they just had to do a reference check.  Since the job started on the Monday morning, she quit her call centre job.  The data entry ppl called her back on the Friday arvo and said she didn’t have the job after all.

She checked with her referee and they’d called him and left a message and he hadn’t had a chance to get back to them.  The data entry ppl were putting on 17 ppl so we reckon they just put on the first ones that they got references for.  It was all very nasty and she was left without a job.

The really bad thing is that she’s mentioned this to ppl and a few have had the same thing happen.  It’s just wrong – why tell ppl they have a job if they don’t?

Anyway, she’s not been working for the past few weeks and been very stressed about it.  I’ve been being supportive and telling her something will turn up soon but really I’ve been pretty stressed too.  I mean it’s just over 8 weeks until we go to Japan.  I guess if it came to the crunch, I’d lend her the money to go but that would leave me way short.  I don’t even know if I’ll have work after this contract ends in 2 weeks.  Also I think it’s important for her to get her own money and not rely on me.

57 days to Japan: Injured!

I had a session with my PT on Friday.  It seemed to go okay but yesterday I had a really sore knee.  So sore I can hardly walk.  You can just imagine how happy I am about that.  I’m pretty certain it happened during one exercise where you roll sideways on the fitball while shuffling your feet across, esp since it’s on the inside of my knee and I can’t imagine any other exercise where I’d use that part of my leg.

If it’s not any better by tomorrow, I think I’ll pay my physio a visit.  But I wanted to run today!

Yesterday, despite the injury, I went to spin class.  I haven’t done spin in well over a year.  Got there early and there was a dude already there.  He looked at my torso and said – “that’s a lost cause, isn’t it?”

WTF?????

Luckily, before I got a chance to deck him, he pointed out the words “Save Brittney” on tee-shirt – I’d forgotten I was wearing it!

I absolutely forgot the first rule of spin class.  Don’t sit near the mirrors.  I swear spin bikes are designed to make you look bad, esp if all your weight is around your midsection… double esp when you’re leaning forward on the bike.  All the fat gets squished up.  I spent the whole class thinking stuff like this:

I’m so fat.

I didn’t realise I was so fat.

I’m huge.

I’m like the fattest person in the world.

Maybe I should ring the Guiness book of records.

I’m so totally and utterly fat.

Not good at all.  After class, I used the spanky new members change room – bliss, no general public hogging all the showers – then put on my cute little dress and my cute boots and felt much better about myself.

Good Kathryn/Bad Kathryn

I was supposed to be working from home today – and I worked… on shopping! 

Firstly, I had to make a necessary purchase of MS Office since I’ve been using a trial version at home.  That was a good purchase (ie. necessary for work and tax deductible).

Then I decided to stuff work and go shopping – my basic premise being I can work tomorrow but the shops will be really crowded and awful.  I just wanted to go look at luggage for my holiday – too easy, you’d think.  Wrong.

First up – boots from an op shop on Smith St.  Undecided if this was good or bad.  I shouldn’t buy boots from the op shop on account of they are secondhand footwear – ick (this is the second pair of secondhand boots I’ve bought recently).  But they were only $10 and I need boots and all the ones in the shops are ugly.

Then a Crumpler bag.  Extravagent but necessary for my holiday.  Plus it’s a “laptop” bag – ie. tax deductible and useful for many things.  And I’ve wanted one for ages.  So good.

I went to the surf shop in the mall to look at luggage cos I heard Billabong does good luggage.  It was okay but I didn’t buy anything. 

Okay, this is where the good Kathryn breaks down.  Myer Shiseido counter – over $200!!!!  OMG!  Okay $59 of that was a loan to my sister (we both needed the skincare pack) and I did get the best ever foundation – like the foundation I’ve been looking for my entire life and never found before.  The one and only foundation for me; the foundation of which I approve. 

I’ve been wanting to check out Shiseido because we have been watching a lot of Japanese dramas and they are always sponsored by Shiseido and everyone has lovely skin. 

Oh yeah and I also got a cream eyeliner with brush.  Now I just have to practice applying it.

Bad.

Then I got luggage – was only looking cos I’m supposed to be getting it for my bday, but I found an awesome purple wheelie bag in Strandbags for $89.  I got that plus a smaller carry bag (for shoes and stuff). 

All up, that is a lot of money to be spending.

Oh yeah and I also fit in a session with my PT.  Lots of soft, wimpy stuff on the fitball… ha ha ha ha… *whelps of pain*. 

Finally, I have a crazy plan.  Since I’m totally hopeless at packing, before I go away I’m thinking of taking pics of all my possible outfits then posting them so ppl can advise me on the best options.  Stay tuned.

60 days to Japan (still… I think my counter is screwy)

Didn’t make it to burlesque class tonight on account of it was cancelled.  I signed up to do hula hooping on Saturday instead – yah!  Plus I am thinking of doing a course they have planned in Pin Up modelling etc.  It’s over 3 weeks and you learn to do the makeup, costume etc plus working the camera – oh yeah!  It ends with a photo shoot.  I reckon that sounds like a heap of fun plus I can give everyone pics of me for Chrissie

I decided today I wanted to focus on getting my eating right over the next few weeks.  Of course, I then prompt overeat on sausages for dinner.  They were very low fat ones but serious too many of them.  I rarely eat sausages and, when I do, I think I’ll cook the whole packet and save the leftovers for something else.  Then there are no leftovers. 

It’s been a shocker of a week, with no time to scratch myself so I left work early today.  I had to go to the supermarket — needed to go all week and had no time to get there — for a mercy dash for my baby son since he’s ill.  I’ve stocked up on healthy foods so I want my eating to be 100% spot on.

Arrgghh these sausages are weighing heavy in my belly… and my neighbour’s playing music again.  It’s not that loud that it’s disturbing but I’m wondering if I should ring the cops before it gets any louder (the volume tends to go up as it gets later).

60 days to Japan

My weight’s been heading in the wrong direction over the past few days – definitely some bad eating choices being made.  My goal for this week is to get the eating right, not easy because I’ve been running around doing stuff after work every night!

Last night we went to a Japanese conversation group.  They run these every fortnight at the place we do our Japanese lesson but we’ve been reluctant to go along.  Then I said to my sister – well we have to talk Japanese in Japan so we might as well practice.  We got there and it was very awkward – I’m hopeless in those kinds of social situations in English, without throwing another language into the mix.  People laugh when I say I’m shy… but really, I am not good at contrived social situations.

After half hour of sheer torture, we did what anyone with common sense does in a situation like that – we knicked off to the pub for a few quick ones!

A bottle of champs later, we went back.  Talking Japanese is much, much easier after a few drinks!  I ended up having a really fun time.

Before we left, I was talking to our Japanese teacher.  We’d said to her earlier that we didn’t know how to make small talk (not even in English, lolz).  She was saying she’d have to cover that in our next lesson.  Then she said she pushed us really hard in class because we absorb so much and are really good at Japanese!  I was so surprised to hear that because I thought I sucked. 

Afterwards, we weren’t ready to go home so my sister and I headed to the karaoke place on Burke St.  I’ve never done karoke in a private room before – it’s awesome.  They even have an intercomm so you can send down for more drinks (we didn’t use it, didn’t even get to finish the beer I’d bought).  I want to live in the karaoke room.

9 weeks to Japan

She’s playing her music again!  Arrgghhh!  I called the police.  They said they’d send someone out.  I explained to the guy that it’s an ongoing problem and it isn’t just her playing music inside – she puts the speakers on the balcony so everyone can hear. 

It’s really starting to get to me – I got a shit night’s sleep again tomorrow then didn’t get out for my run before work.  I’ve been buggered all day.  It’s pretty hard to get your eating and exercise right when yóu’re being kept away half the night.  My whole mood is just blah. 

Hopefully someone will sort this out.

Anyway its 9 weeks until I go to Japan.  Time to get serious (or more serious).  I’ve been slack about exercise – I’ve been a bit slack about the stretches esp since I had to cancel my PT training appointment yesterday due to the funeral.  I want to make 100% effort for the rest of this week.  I also want to find out what other cardio they recommend – doing minimal cardio isn’t just bad for weight loss, it’s bad for my stress levels!

At the moment, this is what I’m doing right:

• if I do a calorie “budget”, I tend to stick to it.  Usually around 300 calories per meal and 2 X 150 calorie snacks.  Sometimes I go a bit over, sometimes a bit over but I tend to get near my target.
• Exercise has been good up to the last few days, and when I exercise I eat better
• I’ve been listening to my appetite and my food needs much more.

What I need to improve:

• sleep (obviously)
• not going out for meals – must plan more and get organised
• snacks – I need to go to the supermarket but have had so much on that I haven’t made it
• procrastination and dicking around is too high!

63 days to Japan

Strange day today.  I went to a funeral.  It was sad but also a good day in many ways – a chance to catch with people.  Right now, I’m really tired.  Lots of driving etc.

Bad Mood Day

Arrgghh… nothing puts me in a bad mood more than not getting to sleep until after 4 am because my bogan trash neighbour is playing her freaken doof doof music at full volume… again.  Then going outside to find our yard littered with Jim Beam cans.  I want to kill her, except that would be bad kharma so I just wish she’d move somewhere a long, long way away.  Like Moe.  I’m sure she’d be happier there.

There should be a law against that kind of thing.  Oh yeah there is – just that NOBODY seems to police it!

Then I went to the football and my team played like shit.  Blah!  And I feel like an overeating, fatty fat fat pig.

Got home and felt to sick to go for a run then realised that wasn’t really helping matters so I put on my lovely new running dress (did I mention I bought a running dress on Friday?) and hit the streets.  Since I can only run 2 kms, I’ve been doing my usual 5 km block but doing a 1 km walk warm up then 2 km run and 2 km cooldown.  It’s better than nothing, right?

I’m still pissy but I did notice the Beam cans have gone from the yard (maybe she had an attack of guilts and cleaned them up while we were out).  Plus I noticed all the magnolia trees are blossoming in Gertrude St and that makes me feel happy inside.

65 days to Japan: Who’s judging you?

Lately I’ve been reading various posts on blogs about being judged: how women are judged for their appearance, how we are judged for being overweight or for not measuring up in other ways.

When I read this stuff, part of me starts screaming “Build a freaken’ bridge…” So someone called you a fat cow in high school – who remembers those things?  Who even cares about it years later?  If I wanted to sit around bitching about it, I could trawl up some pretty awful shit that happened to me but you know what, most of the people who did that are now working in dead end jobs with their brains fried from smoking pot for the past 20 years or more.  Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it.

But still I feel like I’m being judged at times.  You know that voice in your head saying people think I look fat/stupid/ugly/whatever.

Who the hell are these mystical, magical people sitting around judging me anyway?  Who’s standards am I trying to live up?

And, of course, the only person I find judging me is ME.  In my head, there is a panel sitting around with score cards waiting for me to make a mistake but really I think most people are just a little too busy to take that on full time.

You might not know this from my blog, but I’m the most judgemental person ever.  I’d never go up to strangers and tell them what I think – that’s just plain rude – but if I’m driving around, I’ll constantly make comments like “why the hell is she wearing that skirt… does she not realise how big her arse looks in that?”

In my defence, I’m usually right and people who have much better lives if they only had the benefit of my advice (LOL) but I do believe that the more we pass judgement on others, the harder we are on ourselves.  It makes me wonder if I stopped with all the judgemental crap towards others, would I be more accepting of myself.

The hardest part, the part that makes this such a hard habit to break, and the thing that is rarely mentioned, is that critiquing other is awfully FUN.  Sure it would be nice to be one of those angelic people who always see the best in others but come on, even if it’s checking out the worst dressed list in one of those glossy mags, we love to bitch. 

Still I might try turning the judge-o-meter down a bit for a while and see what effect it has.

67 days to Japan: Good things!

I’ve been a bit whingey lately and thought I’d write a post on the good things going on in my life.  The only trouble is there are somethings I’m worried about mentioning – don’t wanna put the kibbosh on things when they are going well.

Still, these are some good things:

• Met up with the lovely Marshmellow last night who went to go-go class with me.  Lots of fun
• I finally got paid prize money for a story I wrote earlier this year and, because they were so late sending it out, they sent me a $25 Amazon voucher as well.
• My skin is looking good and my hair is not too hard either (even though I put a colour through it last week and it washed straight out).

Money-wise, I’d been in a bit of a panic.  After posting about how my savings were going great guns, I suddenly seemed to be eating through them faster than a really fast thing.  Then I looked at it objectively.  I had a week off work then started this job with fortnightly pays.  That’s over 3 weeks with NO money coming in.  As well as living expenses, I’ve had 2 visits to the dentist plus got my car serviced.  That’s a lot of necessary spending.  Now I’ve been paid and topped the savings up – I might have gone too far, not thinking that I’ve got to live for the next weeks, but I think I’ll be fine.