Pretending

pssst… I have some exciting news over here–> 

A few weeks ago, I started a new contract role and had to wait in reception for someone to collect me.  On the same day, another Kathryn started in the same department as an admin temp.  Of course there were the expected confusions and shenanigans but it all got sorted out.

Later in the day, I sat huddled in my little cubicle and I heard the other Kathryn tell the story.  Someone said to her, ‘you could have just pretended to be an IT consultant’, and they all laughed.  Except me – I thought that’s not so hard, I do it every day.

Sometimes I look around all the professional people walking around the office and wonder if they all do it.  If everyone else feels like a 12 year old dressed up in a suit and making believe that they are really grown up.

Do you actually reach a point in life where you are the person you pretend to be?  I don’t even know if I want to – heaven forbid that I ever get TOO mature – but it feels so wrong sometimes.  I should be living life for real not just as a game.

You know what I don’t understand – people who say they ‘live life to the full’.  What does that even mean?  Of course most people only say it on their RSVP profile so maybe it doesn’t mean anything.  It makes me feel like I should be racing around from one Xtreme sport to another – jumping out of planes or some other Point Break-esque thing.

But is that really living life to the full, when you’re having to manufacture some experience to feel alive?  But what do you do?  At any point in time, there is an infinite number of possible things I could be doing and which one of those is the fullest?  By the time I work that out, the moment’s long gone and my head spins to the point where I need a nap!

How do people do it?  Do you think you’re living your life the best way you can?

Weigh In 85.8 kgs

Arrrgghhh – I knew my weight would go up after last week but I didn’t think it’d be this bad.  Still I’ve not eaten well this week.

From now on I want to give myself a rating on my effort for the week and this week’s rating is 4/10.  Too much snacking on unhealthy foods – well there was that big sugar binge!  This week’s goal is to cut back on treats to one a day and more eating (and cooking) at home.

I’m off to the market tonight to stock up and am going to do a big cook up this weekend.

Sunset Series

Tonight was the second run in the Sunset Series.  And I’ve got a rant coming on…

When I did the first run, 2 weeks ago, by the time I finished they’d run out of drinks and didn’t even have water.  Not good but you could understand that maybe there was a miscalculation or something.  One of Simon’s friends wrote to the organisers who agreed it was irresponsible and they’d ensure it didn’t happen again.

Tonight I finished and there were no drinks to be had at all.  I felt incredibly disappointed and let down.

One of the reasons I love running is the sense of community.  If you run a PB then people are happy for you – whether that’s an 8 min/km pace or a speedy 3 min.  You’re only competing against yourself.

To finish to an event, an event that’s supposed to be for families and be about participation, only to be told that you miss out on even a cup of water because you’re too slow shows no only irresponisiblity but a lack of respect.  Respect that should be shown as equally for the person shuffling last over the line as the person coming first.  It can take as much guts and determination just to finish a race as it can to win it.  I don’t think that respect was shown tonight.

Sure we were at Princes Park and there are plenty of drink fountains around, but then I can run at Princes Park for free any night of the week.   This was meant to be an event, I’d ran damn hard and didn’t want to go wandering around looking for a fountain.  I wanted to be included.  The people crossing the finish line after me wanted to be included.  A lousy cup of water isn’t too much to expect.

When you participate in a fun run, sometimes things can be a bit of a muddle – long lines for bag checks or to get a goodie bag full of sponsor’s advertising; too few toilets; late starts.  You accept and deal with these things.  But to be told you can’t have a drink at the end (with the implication that you’re too slow) can be a dealbreaker.  I’ll be thinking long and hard before I enter this event again.

I’ll also be emailing my thoughts to the organisers, for what they’re worth.

***

That out of the way, tonight’s run was good and bad.  The good: my calves didn’t hurt (much).  The bad: because I’ve had to take it slow and easy with the calf problems over the last few weeks, my cardio fitness is shot to shit.  For once it wasn’t the legs letting me down.

I ran a steady pace albeit slower than I’d have liked for the first lap, having to take one walk break (I’m really going to have to start timing my walk breaks too – I tend to zone out and forget to run again).  Although I’ve run Princes Park a zillion times, tonight we went around it in the wrong direction which totally confused me.  We entered Optus Oval for a lap and I thought we’d only done half a lap and couldn’t figure it out.

I almost stopped after the first lap, I felt totally buggered.  Then I remember the chocolate I ate at lunch time and kept going.

A lot of the second lap I felt like the absolute last runner on the course but then I looked behind me and realised I wasn’t.

By the 6 km mark, I sped up – maybe too fast a pace for me but began overtaking people.  I saw Simon’s friend, Jane, ahead of me and thought I’d never be able to catch her and stay ahead but she stopped to get a drink and I overtook her.  Every time I heard steps behind me, I thought it was her but she never passed me.  I had to stop for another walk break (too fast at the 6 kms… wore me out).

By the time I got to 7 km, I realised I’d not break 50 mins since it was around 45 mins and I can’t run a km in 5 mins.   I actually thought I might as well keep walking and save my energy, what’s the point of trying if I couldn’t beat my previous time.  Well my head said that but legs didn’t hear it – they kept going and even sped up.  I was breathing like the steamshovel from Mr Squiggle and thought my lungs would collapse but my legs wouldn’t stop.

With the finish line in sight, I still had to do too fast a time to go under 50 mins, but I kept running.  Simon ran along beside me and told me not to talk, to save my breathe for running.  Like I could talk if wanted to!

I caught up with the girl beside me and overtook her as I crossed the finish line.  No matter that I’m at the back end of the race, if I pass someone at the finish line then I’ve won!  I did it in 49.55.  I dunno how I ran that last km so fast but somehow I did.

Of course, after the drink incident I didn’t hang around.  I doubt I could have talked without cussing like a sailor.  Hopefully I’ll get an official time under 50 mins (last time the official time was over 2 mins more than my watch???)  The only trouble is now I can run 8 kms in 50 mins, I want to do it in under 48.

Back in Black

I’ve wanted to dye my hair black for ages but couldn’t since Andrew had his black and dyeing my hair the same colour as my son’s would be totally lame.  Now he’s had his hair cut off and back to it’s natural (red) colour so I’m all black tonight!  Including my hands, damn dodgy free gloves.

Last night we booked airfares to Hobart.  Although I’ve been to Tassie heaps, I normally go to the north west coast to see my mum and other family.  I lived in Hobart for over 10 years but haven’t been back there in forever.  I’m very excited.  Emailed one of my old friends tonight and she’s meeting us for dinner, plus have some other stuff planned.  Definitely won’t be going to the Cadbury factory – I’ve been there so many times and it’s kinda boring (no ompa loompas or chocolate rivers).

Mondayness…

For a while my sister has been talking about doing some kind of martial art when she recovers from her chronic fatigue.  Lately she’s been feeling better but not enough to get into full on stuff, so yesterday I suggested Tai Chi as being kinda martial arty but not as strenuous… so then had to promise to go with her.

I found a class nearby that was on tonight (we weren’t actually planning on going so soon but best to do these things before you forget).  Tai Chi is a lot more complicated than you think!  I expected the whole ‘wax on, wax off’ caper — but then that’s karate, isn’t it?

The good bit is that after a while you get to use sticks!

Sugar Hangover

Yesterday, after making Andy’s birthday cake (below), I had so many surplus lollies.  Stupidly I went to the supermarket not the milk bar so had to buy everything in big packets then kinda kept picking all day… arrrrgghh!

I woke up this morning with a sugar hangover.  Lethargic and blerk, a coated tongue and a tonne of sugar racing through my veins.  I really needed to burn some of that off so I decided a bike ride to Princes Park then a couple of laps running should do the trick.

I timed my bike ride; how bad is this – I timed my ride and it took me as long on the bike as it would to run!

As I rode along the path, I was thinking about how I used to always fall over when I ran but now I just worry about falling off my bike.  Never think that kind of stuff.  EVER!

Got to Princes Park, chained up the bike and took off.  About 1.5 km into my run, flying along feeling good with no calf pain, I tripped over a rock on the path.  Bam… down like a ton of bricks.  I sat by the side of the track for a while to recover my breath (and get all the gravel off me).  My main concern, when I first fell, was that I’d have to limp home with my bike!  You know how little kids fall over and they’re okay until they see blood, well I did exactly that – was okay until I realised I’d skun all my arm.  I didn’t cry on the outside though.

Then this man walked passed and asked if I was okay but he did it with a smirk and it was all token-like.  Damn man, I’d have kicked him if I could’ve got up.  If you’re not going to help or be sympathetic, then don’t do a token ask… and definitely don’t smirk!

Eventually I did get up and walked slowly to the toilets to clean myself up.  Since I’d not broken anything or done major damage, figured I might as well finish my run.  I’m a trooper like that.

When I got home, I showered and took my baby’s birthday cake over to him.  I kept joking about how his face would be filled with child-like wonder (Andy is notriously laid-back and deadpan).

We got to his place and made him close his eyes while I unveiled the cake.  He saw it and cracked up… he did indeed have child-like wonder.  He took photos and wouldn’t even cut into it for about an hour or so.  That’s pretty amazing given his track record with cake.

I don’t think he was too sure about his other gifts – a Linx deodorant gift pack with girlie calendar plus Carlton backpack and flag (from the Zoo run goodie bag… Andy is so not a Carlton supporter).  He’s already had his main gift, tickets to Iron Maiden, and I was going to give him some $$$ in a card but he’d only spend it on shit so I figure I’ll save that until we go shopping for his new bed.

Was going to make a flying visit but ended up spending the afternoon watching the footy.

I’ve had a weekend of bad eating and it’s going to stop now.  No more cake and definitely no more sugar!

No Sydney SquarePants

I didn’t end up going to Sydney today – big stuff ups with the flight. They are going to ring me on Monday about it so I’m going to see what I can get out it since they have pretty well screwed me around about the whole thing.

Since I had the arvo at home – and oh yeah, they didn’t bother confirming the non-flight until it was too late to do the training run this morning (sure I could have went out on my own but I ended up doing an interval session on the bike plus some weights) – I decided to do something constructive. Was going to make Andy’s bday cake tomorrow but did it today instead. Good thing cos it took nearly all arvo…

I have to admit, I’m rather impressed with how it turned out.

Weigh In – 83.8 kgs

I’m not sure if this week’s weigh in is right.  I drank lots (and lots and lots) on Wednesday night and then had a big loss show up on the scales.  I’ve been around this block enough times to be sceptical that’s alcohol-induced dehydration and to wait for an even bigger bounce in the other direction but it’s Saturday now, it can’t still be that can it?

We are having wars with our housemate at the moment.  Seems he’s not impressed at us coming home at 4.30 with friends and playing singstar.  Oops.  I’d feel more contrite but seriously, we’ve shared with him for over 2 years and never done anything like that before plus he feels no shame about using power tools right outside our bedrooms at 6.00 am.

I went to the physio on Thursday.  She thinks my calf problems are actually being caused by a lack of flexibility in my back which causes my legs to absorb more of the impact when I’m running than they should.  Lots of stretches to do plus I have to do a good 10-15 mins walking warmup then stretches before running.  I did that yesterday (actually walked from work to Princes Park) but the legs are still sore.

It was a horrible walk too – I’d not really intended running but Simon called during the arvo and I had my gear in my bag with me so I said I’d meet him.  Now I’d packed my gear on Wednesday then hadn’t been able to run due to my hellish headache.  I’d forgotten that I’d been wearing tights under my workclothes so packed my short shorts, intending to wear them over my tights.

Yesterday I had no tights, just short shorts.  I got changed at work then had to walk  through the city in my shorts feeling FAT.  I had total fat paranoia.  Every time someone laughed, I thought they were laughing at fat me in my shorts.  I kept pulling the shorts down hoping they’d grow but shorts don’t grow.  At least it had me walking at a very brisk pace!

We did a very easy 6 km run at Princes Park, still got sore legs today though.  Damn my legs.

Anyway, I’m supposed to be going to Sydney today but they keep changing/screwing up my booking.  I rang last night to double check it and they had no record of me on the flight.  I don’t know what to do.  I’ve been trying to contact the company I’m flying for but not sure if they work weekends, plus my flight’s at 10.15 so even if they start at 9.00 and sort it out, that doesn’t leave me enough time to get to the airport really.  This whole thing has been a disaster.  I dunno what to do but I’m not driving to the airport (and paying for parking) unless I’ve confirmed that I’m on a flight.

Sickish

I came home from today with a bad headache.  I think the weirdarsed weather had something to do with it – all that mugginess.  I’m feeling a bit better and now tossing up whether to go for a run today.  I had planned on running but I also think having a rest day could be a good thing.  It’s so hard to know sometimes.  Maybe I’ll have a nap and see how I feel later.

Big day of blah

So I did lots of exercise today but it all seemed a bit blah.

This morning I set off for my run.  Thought I’d be extra cautious so did about 1 km at very slow warm up pace then lots of stretching, then kept going.  Still got the sore calves.  Nothing seems to be helping – not stretching or massage or anything.  I’ve been doing some reading on the net and am worried it might be vascular.  Diabetes is one of the main risk groups for that (and certain other habits don’t help either).

After work, I went to boxing class.  It’s actually boxercise.  It was shite.  If that’s any indication of the classes, I’m definitely not joining that gym.  Apparently when you pair up with someone you’re not supposed to move the pads.  I was actually told that by my partner.  WTF???  Yeah you’re supposed to stand around holding them still like a dead shit.  Then I noticed that’s what everyone else did.  I think there was about 2 minutes at the end of the class where we actually got to hit out where I got any kind of workout.

Then I went to go-go dancing.  Lots of fun but there were a bunch of drunken bogans having a wake at the pub and they kept deciding to join in!  Arrrgghh.

The good news is that I got my replacement ipod today.  I have to go to Andy’s to initialise it cos I can’t do that on my computer due to running olden days Windows and therefore olden days iTunes.  He’s coming over after work then I have to drive him home.  I think I’ll be dead when my head hits the pillow.

Oh yeah, and after much confusion, I’m going to Sydney this weekend not next month.  Just for the day.  Should be fun.