Feelings

You know how people say you should feel your feelings rather than stuffing them down with food, well how do you do that?  My feelings don’t like me being in touch with them.  My feelings are like an mistreated dog.  They go hide in the dark, dank corner under the house where you can’t find them and, if you try to get near them, they snarl and bite. 

I think I need a handy checklist of things I could be feeling instead of hunger that I can work my way through.  Top of the list would be tiredness.  It’s so easy to mistake tiredness for hunger – I guess it’s a natural reaction when you’re tired and can’t satisfy that with sleep or rest to reach for food instead.  Food gives us energy after all. 

Other than that, I’ve been having a shitty week.  Not a major shitty week, no big shitty events just lots of little things that build up to a big trash heap of shitty.  I’m sure I’ll get over it especially since we have the weekend and public hol coming up.  I just need to make plans so instead of feeling stuck and defeated by situations I can’t control, I can make the most of them. 

I also need to KILL that bloody mouse that keeps waking me up.  The person who invented the expression “quiet as a mouse” had no freaken idea cos I wake up every time the mouse does anything… I’m sure it’s going to attack me in my sleep.

I’ve started my novel.  I’m tentatively calling it Beach Bingo Bloodbath.  No one has died yet but I’ve only written 500 words.  I want to watch House of 1000 Corpses for inspiration – I love that movie.  Totally awesome.

Movies and Random Stuff

Last night we went to see Death Proof, the new Tarantino movie, at the drive in.  I nearly didn’t go because I hate Tarantino (well mostly because I hated Pulp Fiction) but it was a freebie so we went.  I love the drive in.  We got there late then had an incident where I nearly set the car on fire so we missed the first half hour or so of the movie but the first part of it was hella boring and could have been edited back heaps.

Other than that – awesome.  I am totally in girlie crush love with Zoe Bellwho is a stuntperson from NZ and plays herself. 

So, what else is happening in my life?  Not a lot.  Never heard back from Saturday’s date guy and, even though I’m not that interested, I’m really annoyed that he wasn’t either.  Maybe he was just overawed by the radiant wonder that is ME.  Or maybe I was a bit tipsy and talked a lot of shit.  Oh well, next…

Oh and I have answers to comment questions:

Kek – I’d class anywhere as inner suburbs if I could walk to the city.  I guess that’s totally subjective since, by that reasoning, some people would call Carlton an outer suburb

Alison – Nanowrimo is a web project thingie where insane people all decide to spend November writing a 50,000 word novel (like a novel each, not a joint novel).  The idea is to get you actually doing something instead of just talking about it.  I’ve done it before and decide it’s not worth the effort needed to edit that rough draft into something decent – but this year I’m just doing it for kicks so don’t need to worry. 

I’m thinking of writing something very dark and scary and bloodbathy.  I have much inspiration for that kind of thing from my housemate.  One of my housemates is driving me totally mental atm.  He’s a vile human being with many disgusting habits which I won’t detail because you don’t even want to experience them vicariously.  But the thing that bugs me most is prolly one of his least offensive actions…

See we live in a big, old Victorian house and we have had many dodgy housemates in the past so I ALWAYS leave the hallway light on at night.  I know it’s not energy efficient (although I did buy and put in one of the those squiggly light globes) but I’m not fumbling around in the hallway looking for a light switch in the middle of the night.

So the housemate, Twitchy Ritchie, has suddenly decided to turn the light off every time I turn it on.  The other night I was cooking some brown rice to freeze.  Brown rice takes a long time to cook and I didn’t want to hang around the kitchen.  Every time I left my room to check on it, he’d turned the light out.  He’s a damn freak.  I thought of banging on his door and yelling at him but I don’t even want to talk to him.  I think I’ll just make a sign and stick it over the switch. 

The really insane thing is that we don’t even pay the power bill – so he has no reason to suddenly decide to be Electricity Monitor.  And it’s not like he cares about saving power cos he goes away for days at time with his TV left on!

Points

• The awesome yummy mummy, Kirsty, awarded me an absolutely fabulous blogger award.  Yahs!
• I feel sick.  I’ve felt sick ever since I had a Thai Beef Salad for dinner last night.  Not good.
• I went on a date last night.  An internet date.  Not much to say really – more “meh” than *squee*
• Still sore from boxing — and my leg has gone blue along the shin!  Weird shit.  I think it’s a bruise or something.
• Daylight savings rules.
• I did no exercise today, because of feeling sick and it being windy. Bad me.
• I did buy and play Singstar Legends.  I got my all time highest score (by a huge amount) singing Imagine.  I hate that song but it must suit my voice.  Yet I sing too low for Johnny Cash – huh?
• Since I’ve done no writing for months, I’ve decided to participate in Nanowrimo.  It might get me functioning again.

My arms… I can’t lift my arms…

This morning was boxing class.  I’ve been to boxing classes before – the kind of classes where you do a 10 min or so warmup then the instructor explains the moves and you do some hitting then a few exercises and some more hitting.  Then a cool down.  You prolly do about 30 mins actual boxing in the class.

Not this class.

We spent the hour working.  Have you ever tried to hold your hands above your shoulders for an hour?  That’s hard enough without having to move and hit and remember combinations.  And count.  All at the same time.

I got yelled at.  A lot.

I loved it, can’t wait for next week.

Evil Yoga

At the end of yoga class last night, in the bit they call meditation but I like to call nap time, we lay on the floor focussing on our breathing and letting thoughts drift through our minds.  The instructor talked in her quiet, calming voice.  She said that sometimes meditation can bring up strong emotions and memories and from the past.

Somehow that got my brain ticking over.  Like how funny it would be if I started writhing around the floor like Linda Blair in The Exorcist (minus the head spinning and pea soup cos that’d be hard to pull off), shouting all manner of gibberish.

Of course I didn’t do it, but how funny would that have been? 

Tassie

No only will there be no Cadbury’s tour, there will be no brewery tour.  I’m going to the NW Coast.  That’s nowhere near Hobart.  I lived in Hobart for a bazillion years – I’m all Cadbury’s factoried out anyways

I’m thinking about getting a spray tan before I go home.  Normally I’m not into any kind of fake tanning or real tanning either but I don’t want to be paler than Tasmanians.  I’m a bit scared though in case I end up some bizarro colour.

I decided since I’ve been snacking like a crazied eating machine lately, I’d get prepared.  I’ve made up carrot and capsicum sticks for work tomorrow.  I love carrot and capsicum sticks and would just as soon eat them as lollies etc if I have them on hand.  I just have to remember to get them out of the fridge in the morning.

Muscles and Family

I had my second NST session last night. She told me that I never fully relax my muscles. Even when I’m trying to relax I still hold some tension. She thought that it could be emotionally related and asked if I had any emotional issues that could be causing it. ‘How much time do you have?’ Well that’s what I wanted to ask, but I just said maybe. I have to practice being floppy!

***

I went over to Andrew’s last night. Now for his entire childhood I tried to get him interested in reading with no results. He read Harry Potter and some cricket books — that was his entire childhood reading (he didn’t just read cricket books – he devoured them and memorised statistics then would wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me cricket stats!).

So lately he’s been reading a bit – mainly bios about wrestlers and that type of thing but occasionally something meatier. I was going through his books to see if he had anything I could borrow and he had PARADISE LOST. Yeah Paradise Lost by Milton. WTF? Has anyone in the history of the world ever read that book unless they are studying it at school? I figure he has some girl (guy?) he’s trying to impress.

***

I’ve mentioned before that I’m going to Tassie soon for Nan’s bday party. Arrrgghhh my sister (the older one from Sydney) has started causing stresses already. I don’t get it, the rest of us are so easy going and happy to fall in with whatever Mum and Nan plan. I mean it’s a family hol so we want to spend time with our family, but my sister has to complicate matters. Then Mum gets stressed and it’s all just arrrggghhh! We’ve told Mum to just ignore her and if she wants to see us then she can fit in with us and stop being such a bloody princess.

I told Mum we’d bring the PS2 and Singstar down to play while we are there. Ma wants us to bring Guitar Hero too but I’m not sure about that – I’d have to take the guitar as hand luggage! I’ve also got her onto the idea of going to the Lactos factory cos cheeses make everything better.

Update:  Sorry guys but the Cadbury’s Factory is way off the list.  Tassie might be a small place but that’s like over 5 hours drive away.

Safety

Jasmine raised an interesting point in the comments below about how women are more likely to do cardio at the gym than men because of safety concerns. You know I really have to confess something – I never think that much about my personal safety. I know some women won’t go out running when it’s dark on their own but I never want to be that person – I never want to NOT do something because I’m worried about what someone else might do. Of course, I’m not stupid. I don’t go running along the Merri Creek trail at night (but then I rarely run the Merri Creek trail anyway because it’s all concrete and wreaks my body) but I’m more than happy to go for a run around the streets.

I think I have low levels of paranoia because I don’t watch TV all that often and I never watch crime shows. I don’t subject myself to hours of watching women being raped and murdered every night. I prefer my violence more gory and cartoonesque.

Also I think you are safer in the inner suburbs, strange as that might seem because people seem to think of the quiet safer of outer suburbia. It’s the quietness that worries me. If I go out for a run, most of my course is through streets filled people – people sitting out in cafes eating or doing stuff not to mention all the other runners and bike riders on the streets – whereas in the ‘burbs there’s no one around. Everyone is safely inside their homes not paying attention to things happening outside. You could have your throat cut and no one would even realise.

I know I’ll cop flak for this and that’s against all wisdom, but I run at night with my ipod. I don’t even really think about it, I just do it. I don’t think I’m any less aware of my surroundings when I wear it, mostly because I walk around in a daze of oblivion anyway. I used to worry about wearing music at night but then I realised I’d leave classes in the city at 8.30 and happily walk home in the dark listening to music and what’s the difference between that and running?

Another bit of conventional wisdom I ignore is letting someone know where I’m going and when I’m going to return. Every time I read that advice, I feel like I’m sitting in a resturaunt on my own on Valentine’s Day cos it fully assumes I have someone who actually cares. Simon and I actually laughed about it on one of our runs cos who do we have at home? I have my chronically fatigued sister and he has his vague as hell partner. Neither of them would notice us missing for days. I could just see my sister – she’d only notice I was gone if she went down for coffee and someone at the cafe asked where I am. Maybe I should just call in at the cafe before I run and let them know. They’d definitely send out a search party when the profits started going down! It’s not like I’m running on bush tracks with no one in sight for miles anyway. I’m sure someone somewhere would find me in the desolate wilds of Northcote and Fitzroy.

I guess it’s an individual thing. If you’re going to be panicking and looking over your shoulder the whole, you won’t enjoy your run. Personally I’m going to keep at it. Sure if some big bloke built like a brick shithouse comes at me with a knife I’m pretty well rooted but then I don’t think many male runners could fight off someone like that and it doesn’t stop them.

ps. I solved the ipod problem by downloading a program called Anapod to replace iTunes.  It’s awesome and I fully recommend it

Ouchies

I came home from work early today cos I was feeling sick – not sure if I’m sick sick or if I just broke something in my innards at the gym last night.  I had some sleep then played Singstar and it really hurt my diaphragm to sing!  I don’t think it was the weights that hurt so much as my warm up – I did 5 minutes on the rower and really tried to use my abs as well as my other muscles.

I went for a run this morning, doing more hill intervals.  I felt so much stronger than when I did them last time so that is definitely a good sign.

Andrew came over tonight – I hadn’t seen him for ages.  He is so funny sometimes that it’s a danger to drive with him in the car.  He has me in hysterics and I have to pull over to the side of the road.

I got a fabulous award from Briony   Woohoo!

I have to nominate five ppl to give it to, which is hard.  Only five!

I can nominate Briony back again or is that cheating?

Andrew – I love reading about his running and trips to the market and other bits and pieces (hope a fluffy pink fabulous award is okay  )  And he did an amazing job finishing the marathon!

Kathy because she inspires me with all her awesome exercising and dragon boating (go read about it if you haven’t already).

Alison  who combines craziness and common sense in the most delightful ways.

Mary because she definies awesomeness.

and last but not least Kerryn because she is so generous at sharing her vast knowledge about fitness.

Annoyances

So I decided today to impulsively buy one of those new ipods – my shuffle pisses me off because you can’t put playlists on it so it means I have to reload it to go from work music to running music (I listen to it all day at work).

I got home with the shiny new ipod and plugged it in but got a message saying I needed to download the latest version of itunes.  No problem, except my laptop only has Win 2000 and you can only run the new itunes on XP or Vista.  I don’t want to upgrade my o/s!  There are other programs you can use instead of itunes but it seems none of them are up and running for the new ipod yet.  Buggeration.

Still I’ve got a temporary workaround – I got my sister to load it up with her music.  She did it while I was at the gym and made me a whole heap of playlists too

***

Many times I’ve scoffed in the past, I think I’ve even scoffed on here, about how every single article on weight training in women’s magazines says ‘don’t worry, you won’t bulk up doing weights’.  Ha, I thought, like any woman is stupid enough to think they are going to turn into some huge she-man just by lifting a few dumbbells.

At the gym tonight, as I lay on the floor doing some crunches, I overheard a chick getting a program written up for her.  She sat on the leg press wailing because ‘it would make her legs bulky’.   I scoffed again.  Okay then I scoffed doubly cos I sat up and saw the trainer had the leg press set to 22 kgs.  Dude!  My nan could leg press 22 kgs and not get bulky!

Then she got up to walk to the next machine and my inner bitch scoffed again.  I thought, ‘legs getting bulky?  You’ve missed the boat on that one!’  Okay, that was a bit mean but she’d made some comment about chicks with ‘ugly muscular calves’ and I took it personally.

I did have one moment of (non-bitchy) achievement at the gym though.  Not only did I walk into the scary, hardcore weights room with all the meathead body builders, but I asked one of them where the seated row machine was.  I only ever go into that room to use the leg press (cos I don’t use the girlie one mentioned above) or to get a dumbbell cos the girlie ones only go up to 10 kgs.  Then I get all flustered cos the weights aren’t marked on the butch dumbbells properly.

Anyway the guy was really sweet and pointed me to the machine but someone was using it so the sweet guy came over and told me there was another machine I could use and showed me how to use it.

It really made me question how I have this mental thing about the girl/boy divide at the gym.  I mean it’s not just me, the place is set up so there is area with a few simple machines (plus the lighter dumbbells) in with the cardio machines then a second room with the serious machines and heavier weights.  And it does tend to be all female in the cardio room and all male in the weights room (because the girls don’t want to ‘bulk’ up, I guess).  But I see myself as a liberated, feminist type person immune from those sexist stereotypes.

The other weird thing is that when I was at Fitness First, I never had an issue.  I went to the gym at Knox a few times and every time I was the only female in the weights area.  It never worried me at all.  I think the issue could be that I’m doing a new program so don’t feel as competent.

Plus, at FF even the butch weights area wasn’t nearly so testosterone-charged.  Like the other day I went to get a barbell and, instead of having a rack of premade ones, I had to put it together myself (well I assumed I had to – I got scared and ran away).  I don’t want to be the helpless bimbo woman needing a ‘big strong’ man to help me out.  And I don’t want to have like some dude freaking out cos the fat chick is singling him out to talk to (yeah, that one came straight out of high school).

I guess the outcome of all this is that I have to toughen up and realise that I’m there to achieve my goals and I should do what it takes.  Even if that means asking for help.  And that the meatheads aren’t that scary.  Still I think I might go there one day when it’s quiet and go through my program when the staff aren’t so busy so I can start pestering them with questions (because 6.00 on a Monday is insane at my gym).

Just to finish:  Weight Watchers chocolate and hazelnut icecream = awesome