When A Stranger Calls

Someone rang me at 2.00 am last night. When I answered the phone, they hung up so I assume it was a wrong number. Lucky for them, their number didn’t come up on my phone or they’d be getting a return call tonight! It really scares me getting calls in the middle of the night because it’s never going to be good.

***

Because we actually had some cash today, we went for a slap up lunch at our fave cafe. Then we went for a swim. Who’d have thought Mum was right? You do get cramps if you don’t wait long enough after eating! I always thought it was one of those things mums say to stop you having fun.

Oh and I did 400 metres of the pool today. I only managed 300 metres last week. Okay so I’m the most rubbish swimmer ever but at least I keep going… unlike Ian Thorpe

(I can’t believe I made a sport’s joke although I did have to think about it, I was going to say Keiren Perkins… oops)

My eating has been much improved lately even with the slap up lunch. I’ve been making myself stick to designated meal and snack times rather than just eating willy-nilly. I still have many issues about eating when I’m bored or need a distraction and since I’ve been spending most of my days writing at the moment, I need distracting a lot. I reckon writing is the most calorific way to spend your time ever because you need to get up and wander heaps.

***

Mostly I don’t watch tv and I’m not just saying that. About half way through the year my sister and my son wanted to watch two games of football at the same time – one on regular tv and one on cable – so they borrowed my tv for the regular game. I’ve never tuned it bac in since. I use it to watch dvds, that’s about it. Sometimes I watch cable in my sister’s room and sometimes I watch shows that she or Andrew download from the internets.

About a week ago, my sister download Supernatural. We started watching it and agreed it was total rubbish but kept watching it and got hooked. The thing is you don’t watch it despite it being crap, you watch it because it’s crap.

Okay, maybe a little bit for the eye candy. And it’s educational too – I know so much more about fighting off malevolent demons now (rock salt). So we watched all of season one and then watched season two up to the current episode.

So, you say, what the hell does that have to do with dieting and weight loss and all that other stuff your blog’s about? Well it got to the stage where I had to have a snackfood after every episode and, with 24 episodes a season, that’s a lot of snackfoods in total.

But now I’m fighting that malevolent snackfood demon – not with rock salt but with distractions. Rather than grab another paddle pop, I’ve been grabbing the sketch book and pencils and drawing. It keeps me busy and within my calorie limits, plus I’m creating something beautiful (lolz) or at least some Christmas gifts that don’t tap into my steadily depleting fundage.

More Running

Today I went for a run at Princes Park and to make it interesting, I thought I’d do 1 km easy then 2 km hard and repeat. I wanted to run the 2 km in 12 mins (6 min/km pace) since I figure that’s about as fast as I can run.

So I set off on the first 2 km section then had to stop to do up my shoelace. Dang! I felt like I was doing a hard yet comfortable pace (I’m actually starting to understand that term) but wasn’t sure if I could make it in 12 mins. Got to the marker and checked my watch – 11:13. Oh my.

I jogged very slowly for the next km, thinking I couldn’t beat that time and that I’d actually be a lot slower having shot my load but took off for the next 2km trying my hardest. I actually pushed myself as hard as I could for the last 1/2 km, prolly too fast since I finished up feeling rather like vomitting. But I did it in 10:48.

I know that’s not fast for a lot of runners but it’s much faster than I ever thought I could run. I think what made the difference is that today for the first time since I had my big, rib-bruising fall I’ve felt confident in staying on my feet. It’s only when I started relaxing that I realised I’ve been tensing up quite a lot when I run and, of course, that leads to get tired more easily and getting all stiff and sore. I really loosened up a lot today and had the most enjoyable run I’ve had in a long time – well apart from the vomit feeling but I soon got over that.

I’ve been reading a few of the articles on this site (Chi Running) and really want to get the book when I have spare funds for things like running books. In the meantime, I’ve been reading snippets of it in Border’s Cafe.

Running

Man, I hate it when blogger says I have no cookies. Damn you blogger. Now I want cookies. Chocolate chip ones.

Yesterday was the final of the Spring into Shape runs. I didn’t expect to do too well on account of having my training interrupted when I hurt my ribs, then late last week I got this … well I guess you could say I busted my butt, literally. I’m all stiff and achey down the left side. Not sure if it’s from running or spin or something else but it hurts.

My friend Simon had decided to do this run with me. Every time I do the SiS runs, I see (and smell) all these people down along the Yarra having bbq bunches. What a crazy, yet altogether wonderful idea. Eggs and bacon and sausages and tomato and all kinds of yum cooked up. So we planned to have a post run bbq brunch.

I’d got some scrummy chicken, fetta and spinach sausages at the market and put them in the freezer ready to bbq. The trouble was, come Sunday morning, I was so in the ‘don’t forget the sausages’ head space that I totally forgot my run number. Yikes! My poor lil pea brain can only hold one thought. I had to pay $5 to get a replacement.

I struggled through the run, having to take a walk break at the 2 km mark (I didn’t realise it was the 2 km mark though cos the sign had fallen over and I kept thinking, surely it must be 2km already… then finally got to the 3 km mark). We managed the first lap in 26 minutes (4 km) without being overtaken by any of those super fast runners (that we notices, haven’t checked the official results) then I got very tired. My quads felt like they had huge weights strapped to them and my back pained. I had to stop for another walk break so told Simon to go on without me. Cos I’m all noble and self sacrificing like that.

I walked a ways then I ran. I ran fast. Then I got tired so I walked again. I probably would have been been better off just keeping a steady pace but that wouldn’t have been nearly so much fun.

I wanted to do the run in under 50 minutes but I got to the last km and realised that it would be impossible. I lost heart for a moment, thinking if I couldn’t do it in under 50 minutes then why bother. I could just walk the rest. Luckily that didn’t last long. I’d hate being a quitter.

Then I got to the last bit – it’s all downhill so I took off as fast as my legs would go. Simon met up with me and ran beside me a ways. I almost ran out of steam before the finish line but made it, cutting 10 seconds off my last time so it was a PB! Woohoo, go me.

Times:

SiS 1 56:38
SiS 2 51:29
SiS 3 51:19

Oh and our bbq brunch was magically delicious afterwards. I shoulda used it as motivation and maybe I’d have finished in record time.

Fries

If ever you are in the CBD and you see an eatery called Lord of the Fries, you might be tempted by their witty, punning name and their promise of freshly cooked fries with a variety of sauces. You might think, sure it’s not the healthiest choices but I’ve got some credit in my calorie piggy bank, so why not? You might even think the fries with gravy and cheese sound like a super smashing idea.

Now I’m going to tell you why you should resist. Because they aren’t worth it. Trust me, there is no way they can freshly cook chips and have them ready so quickly. There is not way they can freshly cook chips and make them so soggy. The cheese is that tasteless pre-grated stuff and the gravy is too salty.

Walk on past and get something good for ya. I know cos I’ve been there. And that’s the type of generous and caring person I am – taking one for the team so you don’t have to waste your calories on bad takeaways.

Rants and Raves

Since I rarely watch free to air TV (woohoo for the internets), I rarely see ads but last night I caught a doozy. If you text your name and the name of your love interest to the special number and, for a few $$$, you can find out your % compatibility.

Okay, who does this? And how can they be capable of using a mobile phone? How can they be capable of getting out of bed and dressing themselves and breathing?

If actually culling these people is wrong, can we at least sterilise them so they aren’t adding to the gene pool?

Btw if you are ever tempted to text this number, just send me $20 and I’ll show you how to work it for yourself. For an extra $50, I’ll tell you how to work out if it’s going to end in Friendship, Love, Hate, Marriage or Divorce.

***

This might seem contrary to my last post, but it just isn’t. I saw a diet book called Skinny Bitches at Borders recently and had a a browse. It’s written by two models and their advice is basically cigarettes are bad, give them up; sugar is bad, give it up; alcohol is bad; give it up (except red wine); coffee is bad, give it up; meat is bad; cut back; blah, blah, blah. There’s some good advice in there – fad diets don’t work, consistent changes do – but generally it didn’t sit well with me.

It’s taken me a while to work it out, but I finally have. The issue is that I don’t believe in giving stuff up. Well some stuff but not all of it. I think if you love something, then have it. The big secret is to work out what you really want. Cut out the junk food – junk being anything you eat that you don’t want to. We all do it. Well I do, anyway. Like when you are watching a movie so you do the hand-mouth thing but you really don’t want to be eating, it’s just habit.

I think it’s all about priorities. If I gave up my daily coffee, I’d feel deprived beyond belief but I can give up (and have given up) an awful lot of things that have made no real difference to my life.

Work out what you really enjoy and have it in moderation; work out the foods that bad for you and you get minimal enjoyment from and give them up; work out the food you eat that’s good for you and make the most of them. Find healthier ways for preparing the foods you normally eat. Watch your portion sizes, except for vegies. Exercise more. That’s my entire dieting advice in a nutshell.

***

At the moment, I’m really enjoying life – I’m doing the things I love and an a highly productive writing machine – except for one teensy factor. I’m skint.

I’ve been applying for jobs but with no luck at all. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not saying I’m a super dooper hot talent who should be snapped up by the first employer I apply to, but normally when I apply for jobs on websites like Seek, I’ll at least get an interview with the employment agency.

Over the past month, I’ve applied for a heap of jobs and not even got a call back. I have all the qualifications and experience so I don’t know what the problem is. I’ve even called around my temp agencies and had no luck.

I’ve been trying to think of alternative money making ventures. I’ve got a few bags of clothes in storage that I want to sell on ebay. Another idea I’ve been kicking around for a while is starting a dog walking business. There are many pluses (incidential exercise, cute puppies, no boss) but I have one big concern. If I start doing it and don’t get enough work to support myself, I’ll have to get an office job and could end up leaving people in the lurch.

As for the writing, I’ve finished a few short stories and sent them out so it’s a matter of waiting around. I also have some stuff I’ve sold but it takes forever to get paid. I’ve got a couple of other stories to finish then it’s back to a final edit of the novel and then trying to hock that.

A Different Perspective

I was surfing through a bunch of blogs by writers the other night and read something really eye opening. Unfortunately I didn’t book mark it so can’t post the link but I’ll try to paraphrase.

Basically the writer talked about having to skip breakfast then looking for something to eat in the vending machine later in the morning. She complained to a co-worker because the only choices were candy bars and cookies. The co-worker’s told her not to worry, you’re skinny you can eat what you want.

The writer’s point was that the reason she’s skinny is that she DOESN’T eat what she wants. She works hard to maintain the body she has and it doesn’t get that way by eating cookies for breakfast. Nobody over the age of 30 has a good body by accident.

Because I spend so long looking at these issues from the point of view of someone who struggles with my weight, I never really stop to think that people who look good get that way because they work at it. It’s too easy to dismiss them as ‘thin bitches’ who, through some freak of genetics, have it easy.

I grew up with cousins who did fit into that genetic freak of nature category – they could get away with never exercising and living on junk food – so I tend to think most thin women are like that.

I’ve never had a healthy eating role model. Most of my life I’ve believed you eat how you like and you are either lucky or not, yet I’ve worked with many women who bring in healthy lunches from home and exercise regularly. I’ve seen them work at having good bodies.

Even since I’ve lost weight, I’ve thought about these lifestyle changes as being something I need to do because I’ve had to lose weight, but the reverse is true: I put on weight because I never had a healthy lifestyle. I’m not the exception. It’s not a curse or some bad choice in the lucky dip of genetics. It’s the way people should live.

Matters of Earth Shattering Importance

Today I cleaned my room and put my laundry away – exciting stuff, huh but it caused me all kinds of dilemmas.

I have a dressing table with 2 half sized drawers and 2 full sized ones then I have my wardrobe with hanging space, of course, and three shelves.

At the moment I have my jumpers and knits on one of the wardrobe shelves because they are so bulky they fit there best. I also have long sleeved tops on the shelves but I used to have my tee-shirts in one of the drawers. Except then that caused confusion because what about tee-shirts with three quarter length sleeves? Are they long sleeved tops or tee-shirts? So today I put my tee-shirts in the wardrobe as well.

In the drawers I have jeans and pants in one and workout gear in the other. The workout gear drawer has tee shirts in it too and that causes confusion. Some tee shirts are definite workout tees and some are definite casual wear tees but there are some on the borderline.

Smaller drawers are all underwear – there’s a definite undie drawer and the other one has all the miscelleanous crap like bathers (but maybe they should be in workout gear?) – bras and hosiery seem to float between the two, depending on where they fit. It’s just chaos!

So what I want to know is how do you organise your clothes? By function or type? Do other people even worry about this stuff or am I just obsessive?

I’m a Big Fat Fraud

Last night I read back through my archives cos I was really bored and I realised something – I’ve only lost 10 kgs since this time last year. To make it worse, I’m the same weight I was in May. Since then, I’ve gone down and up and back down and back up.

I’ve been complacent, that’s the truth of it. I no longer have the eye of the tiger. Instead I have the eye of the takeaway. I feel like I should be achieving, that I should have solid concrete goals that I’m crossing off my list. I’ve still got weight I want to loss, so why aren’t I doing it?

Maybe weight loss in itself isn’t enough to motivate me any more. The joy of seeing a decreasing number on the scales doesn’t do it for me like it used to. I think maybe I need to reassess where I want to be and what I want to do. I have some namby-pamby running goals and I’ve been doing weights and stuff but maybe I need to get more serious about that side of things.

Legend of the Week!

If you want to be truly inspired, go read Michelle’s story of her triathalon if you haven’t already. She’s an incredible woman and her story had my heart bursting with pride for her.

Change of Life

Kada asked me an interesting question in my comments: “What’s the best thing you like about being where you’re at now with your weight?”

I’ve been thinking about that for a while – there’s a whole world of good: feeling confident going out wearing a pair of skimpy short, waking up of a morning wanting to get out of bed, being able to see my toes and reach to paint my toe nails, getting off my diabetes medication, setting fitness goals then smashing them and not to forget being about to shop just about anywhere I want.

Still I think the best thing of all is losing that hesitation I used to have. All my life I’ve had to stop and think about how I’ll cope with things as a fat girl.

Sometimes it was a physical thing – can I go bungee jumping without the rope breaking, can I get a lift with a friend and fit in the back of their car? I’d hate going to barbecues and being offered one of those flimsy canvas chairs – not sure if it would hold my weight and freaking out at every creak and crack of the wood.

Sometimes an endurance thing – could I walk that far, could I cope doing that all day?

Then all the mental baggage – knowing I could do something but maybe I’d look ridiculous doing it. Thinking people would point and laugh at the fat girl trying to dance or trying to skate or trying to squeeze herself into a space too small. Scared to walk through a crowded bar, knowing I’d have to squeeze, hoping my friends didn’t hear when someone yelled a comment, dreading blind dates in case I saw that look in their eyes… that look of oh my god, she’s so fat. My mother’s voice telling me not to do things like run or skip because I’d look stupid.

These things don’t change overnight and I’m still in the process of seeing myself as not taking up so much space. I’ve limited myself for so long, I don’t even know where I end and my limits start.

Over the past year, I’ve done things I’ve never done before – gone to see a band and bought a teeshirt, knowing it will fit, worn short shorts, run in fun runs, shopped in regular sized shops for the first time.

There are still things I’ve never done – been on a water slide, surfed, crowd surfed, run a marathon – maybe I’ll never do them but it will be because I don’t want to, not because I’m too fat.

There are other things still that I’ve never even considered bcause they are filed so far back in the ‘too fat’ section of my brain, they are yet to see the light of day. Eventually I’ll take them out and examine them, knowing that I no longer have to hesitate because of my weight.