PS.

The shoe shop had another pair of boots – same brand but just the plain, knee length zip up ones. I think I’ll be back next payday. They also had some great casual shoes. I love that place – cheap shoes rock my world.

These are my boots (well the original ones – it’s a very old photo).

Boots

I used to have a great pair of boots – long, lace up ones. I loved them. When I worked in the city last year, I’d often wear them to work then change into my runners to walk home. I didn’t want the extra weight of the boots weighing me down so I’d leave them in my drawer and take them home with me on the tram the next night. A perfect plan until one night: I had major crisis going on and spent the whole tram trip on the mobile trying to sort things out. I jumped off at my stop, still talking into my phone and only realised later that I’d left my boots behind. Nobody handed them in and I mourned for my lost boots (and, I swear to god, I saw a chick wearing them at a bar in the city a few weeks ago).

Yesterday I went to favourite shoe and they still had the same boots in stock. How happy was I? I *had* to buy them. You can’t argue with fate. But I didn’t even stop there – I had almost got out when I saw a great pair of shoes. Mary Jane style with a chunky heel. Only one pair left in stock and they fitted perfectly – I can’t fight that.

***

My eating has been out of control lately. I have no idea what’s going on with me. I just eat and eat and eat like a runaway eating machine. I have no idea why I’m doing this – I want so badly to get to my goal but I seem to be constantly putting food in my gob.

Cheese

What sort of cheese do you buy?

I’m very much on the cheese fence – sometimes I buy a yummy full fat vintage cheese thinking I’ll use less because it’s more flavoursome and other times I get the low fat option. I’ve never found a low fat cheese I really like though. Are there any good ones out there? I don’t see the point in eating a non-delicious cheese though.

Weigh In – 74.8

Up a kilogram this week – it’s not unexpected but still annoying. I seem to be hovering around this 73-75 kg mark forever. I really don’t need to do much to gain at the moment – my weight is like a frail butterfly. It wouldn’t be so bad if I’d gone out and had a huge binge-a-rama but it’s just all the little extras.

I’ve had enough. This is it. From now I’m going to be the Jackie Chan of weight loss – I’m going to kick 74’s arse then giving 73 a roundhouse kick to the head. I’m going to flatten the chops of 72. Near enough isn’t good enough for me.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before but I’m thinking of changing my goal to 65 instead of 70. When I started out, 70 shimmered on the horizon like a distant dream. It’s the top of my healthy weight range but I don’t know if I want to be the top of the range. I’d like to be somewhere around the middle and 65 sounds good to me.

Run

I just signed up for the Mother’s Day Classic – woohoo! I wasn’t sure what event I wanted to do so put down the 8 km walk. I figure I can always run it if I want to and at least I won’t finish last. Is anyone else doing it?

I’m also thinking of trekking up to Sydney in August to visit my sister and entering the City to Surf.

Hair Cut

I decided today I couldn’t stand my hair for a moment longer so I got it cut after work. It’s a worry getting a last minute appointment because you have to wonder why the stylist isn’t booked out but I took the chance. I went back to the salon I went to last time — they are very pricey but they are also good. Plus they have massage chairs. I’m a sucker for a massage chair. I also got a complimentary hand massage tonight. Score!

It’s not quite what I wanted – I think it looks more like a ’20s style bob than a ’60s mod bob but I really like. But I think I want to change the colour now. I’m thinking some big chunks of bright red through it.

***

My sister has well and truly moved in. She wants to train with me but she is so unfit so makes it difficult. We walked to the supermarket the other day and she was struggling. I had to walk behind, poking her. She is all sickly and asthmatic as well as being unfit. But she’s coming to the gym with tomorrow.

***

I really think I need to invest in a microwave. It’s so hard managing without one. By the time I get home after the gym, I’m buggered so it’s a major effort to cook up a healthy meal. I like having good food in the freezer that I can just reheat. And yeah, I could reheat it on the stove but that’s a pain in the butt.

I also want to get a saucepan. I only have one biggish one and it has a dodgy handle. I’ve tried rescrewing it but can’t tighten it. I had a look in a homewares shop near work today and they had a big, stock pot size saucepan that came with a pasta colinder (sp?) and a steamer for $69. It was tempting but then I realised I’d have to take it to the gym with me after work. The problem is that I go to the gym every night so it’s never convenient to have a large saucepan on me.

The third thing I have to invest in is boots. Why is it when the heels are right, the tops are wrong and vice versa? I just want a plain boot with a mid-height chunky heel in black. At a reasonable price. I’m going to try my fave shoe shop this weekend – it’s on the other side of the city so I’ve delayed going there but I have to trek across town on Saturday anyway so hopefully I’ll get lucky.

***

I’m not hopeful about my weigh in tomorrow — I think I’ll have a small gain but I’m not too worried. Now I’ve started tracking again, I’ll soon be on top of things again.

Counting

As I said below, I started counting calories again today. It’s amazing how it keeps you honest. I’ve already identified a problem area – that big coffee and chocolate mini muffin I have for morning tea. One hundred calories in a teeny muffin is not so good.

I think tonight I would have assumed that I’d not eaten a lot today and felt comfortable having a treat but now I know I am close to my calorie limit so I resisted. Well I did have a diet mousse but that’s much better than what I could have had.

Over the past few days I’ve been feeling like I’m coming down with a cold or flu – not totally sick but not 100% either. I hate that. Sometimes I’d rather just get the damn bug and be done with it. I was like this last winter too and I’m not sure if it means I’m getting more sickly and picking up things easily or if I’m getting healthier and instead of getting sick, my body is fighting it.

I had doubts about going to the gym tonight but I went and did a huge run with giant hills on the treadmill for half hour then some fast running – I have this weird thing that my “reward” for doing the giant hills (which is a top fat burning workout) is to finish with about 10 minutes of running flat out as fast as I can. Yes, I am insane!

After that I did my upper body workout. I’m getting better at pushups – my PT had me doing them on a bar on the Smith’s machine and I’m gradually getting the bar down lower. My goal is to do them on the floor – real, live pushups. I saw a chick doing proper pushups the other day and I was so impressed because most girls don’t do them at all. She was even doing one handed ones (show off). I’ll do that one day.

Floundering

Last night, I went to see Martha Wainwright. Damn, can that girl sing! It was fantastic.

But, onto weight loss. For the past month or longer, I’ve been up and down with my weight. Everything seems much harder and I’ve been telling myself it’s because I’m close to goal. With only a few kilograms to lose, my weight has been reaching a “set point” and wants to settle around there.

But, you know, the honest truth is that I’ve been eating too much. I haven’t been tracking my food and the treats – chocolates and glasses of wine – have been steadily sneaking in. It’s not like an all out binge, just bad habits that need to be beaten back into submission with a big stick.

I think the only way I’m going to beat this is to go back to counting calories. I need to keep myself honest and, even though it’s a pain, counting calories is the best way for me to do it.

Seeing Phil reach her goal and Angie almost there has been a kick in the pants. There is nothing *magic* about getting to goal – just honest work. Same as it is at any time with weight loss.

Fun House

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a fun house. You know, the room with the weird-arsed mirrors. When I see my reflection, I’m either much fatter or much thinner than I am in my mind.

After the gym today, I wandered through Target with no intention to buy, after all I have no money until payday. I really need a coat though. Is it just me or do other people suffer from the cold so much more now? I have to say this for fat, it’s damn fine insulation. Maybe I should have kept some it around to line my walls. All my life I’ve hated those thin chicks who bitch about the cold. “Get some meat on ya bones,” I’d yell at them. And now I am one!

So I saw the cutest duffel coat with a furry parka style hood. I had to try it on. Just had to. I checked myself in the mirror and was like – “holy shit, I’m THIN!!!” It hit me like a right hook from Mahammod Ali. I’ve thought before that I look better or thinner, but never thin.

Of course, next time I look in the mirror, I’ll be expecting it and I’ll be amazed at how fat I am but, for now, I have the thin image of me in my head.

Anyway they have 25% off coats at the moment and it might not have been there on pay day and I’ve already dipped into my rent money to get my Martha Wainwright ticket so I thought what the hell? Did I mean I look like a full on 60s mod chick in it? Did I mean I love my coat? Which might be real handy when I’m using it to cover me on that park bench I’ll soon be calling home.

This has completely solidified my decision to get a 60s style mod hair bob – shorter at the back with layeredy bits curling onto my face. Oh yeah, and the home colour looks fab. I really like my hair darker. (And, for M, it’s a Soft Colour – semi permanent).

Priceline also had these Garnier highlight kits for pretty cheap and they looked easy to use so I think I might put some highlights in next week. They only came in various blonde shades though and I’d prefer red but then everything goes red in my hair anyway. The only time I’ve ever sucessfully gone blonde, it took three applications of triple strength bleach and my scalp has never been the same since.

It’s almost definite my sister is moving in next week. She’s sold her car and bought her plane ticket. She thought my mum would be upset but mum is pleased to see the back of her – lol. I have mixed feelings about it – she can be a burden at times (and if you are reading this, Anita, stop snooping around on my computer) but it means she can supervise the eveness of my highlights and do other girlie girl things with me.

Finally, for everyone who commented saying they don’t know who Martha Wainwright is – you should check her out. In the immoral words of Molly, “do yourself a favour”. You won’t regret it.

Weigh In – 73.8

Finally, the 73s. I’ve been waiting to get here for the last month. It really has been the most bumpy month in my weight loss and the first time I’ve had a real set back. Thankfully, I’m back down to pioneering territory.

I think the longer you spend losing weight, the less fluctuations of the scales mean to you. Sure it’s always nice to see a steady decline but, when you’re starting out, a slight gain one week is a huge disaster. Even a small loss is hell. I remember a few weeks in, I only lost a few grams and I was devastated.

Now I realise that weigh in isn’t like getting an exam back. It’s not like getting a pass or fail grade. And it definitely isn’t a reward or punishment from some great scale god somewhere. All it is, is a reflection of how much I weigh at a specific moment in time and that reflection can include many non-fat related factors.

***

This isn’t weight related but I decided ages ago I wanted to see Martha Wainwright when she toured. Then, because I had to wait so long to get paid, her show last Thursday was sold out. That made me very sad until I got the street press this week and saw a second show announced. Except that I again had no money and the show is on Monday night. I debated spending my rent money on a ticket – my landlords come around to collect the rent in person and I never know if they are going to turn up. I thought of ringing to see when they plan on coming around but that might remind them that I owe rent.

Yesterday, I phoned about tickets and found out Monday night’s show had sold out but she was also doing one on Tuesday. I ran down after work and scored my ticket. When fate is screaming at you to do something, you have to listen.

So anyway, since no one else I know is into Martha Wainwright so I’m going alone on my own. I’m a bit nervous about that but I’d much rather go on my own than not at all. I’d much rather go on my own than drag along someone who doesn’t want to be there.

Still I do get a bit self-conscious about these things and imagine everyone is thinking looking at the loser with no friends even though I’ve never thought that if I’ve ever seen someone alone at a band. Actually I’ve never even paid attention to whether someone is alone or not.

***

Btw. I dunno if anyone noticed this but I had a typo in my weigh in weight last week. I said I was 24.5 kg. Thank God that’s not true.